I know, I know...

It's been a long time. I promised I would be better and look what happened...

I have been working and when I work, life goes on hold. I love my job, though. I work with some of the nicest people. When I first started, everyone was so kind to me. They would greet me by name, ask how I was getting along, if I liked it there. They were so concerned. I have never worked with such a nice bunch of people.

When I worked at Robert's, I loved my managers. They were super down to earth, they were funny and we would have a lot of laughs. I really missed the people when I went to work at Evans. That is probably my second most favorite place to work.

I have realized I like working with a large group of people rather than an office of just a hand full of people. At one time, we have about thirty people working in our clinic. There are 21 residents, 6 faculty doctors, 6 front office people and about 8 nurses. I love it there.

Probably the one thing that I do not like about my job is seeing the sad array of people that come into the clinic. We see some of the creepiest people who come seeking drugs. I could probably blog about that for hours, so I will be brief. It's very sad to see how they become so dependent that they will steal, lie and spend so much time going to various doctors and drug stores trying to get their pain meds. I hope I am never that dependent on something that I would go to those measures. I have seen child abuse and spousal abuse. I haven't seen elderly abuse, but I'm sure that will happen. I have heard stories about rapes that make me so angry, I could personally go out and find the rapist and do terrible things to him/her. I had no idea when I went into the medical field that I would see this kind of stuff. I just assumed that everyone would be a patient like me.

I love this time of year because it is cool in the evenings, and doesn't get too warm in the afternoons. The leaves are turning and the colors are gorgeous. This is the time of year when I met Robby and it always makes me a little nostalgic. We drove to Logan to see Rachelle's family yesterday and that is always fun.

I just adore D'Jayden and Zoe. I am excited that Rachelle is pregnant again and we can love another little grandchild. I love spoiling them, playing with them, chatting about things with them. I especially love chatting with D'Jayden. He is so funny. Yesterday we went and picked him up from school. He showed me his desk, where he sits at "circle time", where he hangs his coat, where he puts his papers, the name tag on his desk, and the papers in his desk and what he is currently working on. I miss that time with my kids. They were so precious at that age. D'Jayden told me about a black bear that was running through the school yard. They caught him in a cage and he came into the school. He went into D'Jayden's classroom, bounced a ball and then left. He told me that he had a picture of the bear. In my mind, I am picturing a wild, black bear running through the school yard, possibly during recess, and thinking it's a good thing they were able to put it in a cage. When he showed me the picture, I had to laugh because it was a picture of a mascot for some local team. It was a guy dressed up in a bear suit wearing a basketball outfit.

I have two cute programs on my iPad that I downloaded because I knew that Zoe would love them. One of them is the "Nighty Night" book that is absolutely adorable. The other is a picture book where you can dress up the Disney princesses. Of course, Zoe was all over the Disney princess book. We snuggled on the couch and played with my iPad for about an hour while Robby and Rachelle looked at my Scentsy catalog and smelled all the samples. They were so funny, speaking to each other in Dutch and sniffing each container very seriously and then comparing them. I just had to laugh. When we left, Zoe cried. She has never done that before. I was so flattered. I just adore those two little ones.

This time last year, I was so sad because I had no children with me. I think about that time and it was a very dark time for me. Probably the only thing that saved me was going back to school. I was distracted. I could pour my energies and thoughts into school work and I got all A's. I feel so fortunate to have Emeli and Brett with me. I love being a Mom and having their company. It was a very hard thing to have Emeli living so far away, knowing that she was unhappy and neglected. It tore me up inside and ate at me. I remember going to Dad's grave and just sobbing. I knew he understood and it felt good to know he was close to me, even though it was just his body. He always knew how I felt about being a mother. He knew they were everything to me. Robby was there for me, but he is the type who feels like you just put it behind you and move on. Not so easy for me. He has had a lot of practice doing that, but not me. I am just grateful that I have Emeli and Brett here right now. We have a lot of fun together. Brett makes dinner at night when I work late and it's really nice. Between him and Robby, there is always dinner on the table when I come home. Tonight, however, we are going to Wendy's.

Driving to Logan was so nice yesterday. It was just Robby and I. We held hands while he drove, we talked and had some alone time. We listened to my iPod and sang along to Johnny Cash. Robby has a deep bass voice and I love to hear him sing "I Walk the Line". I always laugh out loud and that eggs him on to sing even louder and more silly. I tell Robby that he is the only one I have ever been this close to in my life. He tells me I am the only one he has ever completely trusted.

I love Rachelle, too. She and I have a really good relationship. I do not try to take the place of her mom because she is very close to her mom. But I am a friend to her. She calls me when she needs to vent and knows I will always listen and take her side. She is a good girl and tries hard to do the right things. We laugh and joke a lot. I love being with her.

I am grateful for my life. Life is good and I have wonderful children and a wonderful husband. My job is satisfying and we live comfortably. I have everything I need. Yep, life is good.

July 13

So for the last two weeks I have been "unemployed" and not attending school or training. After a year of always having homework, it's a little weird to have nothing to do. Of course, that doesn't mean my house is any cleaner!! Who wants to do housework when there are art projects that have been waiting for me?!

We signed up for Netflix a couple of weeks ago, so every night Robby and I curl up on the couch and watch a movie or two. We don't get to bed before midnight and then we sleep in. I feel SO lazy!!! Unfortunately, most of the movies we are watching are pretty intense with quite a few F bombs. I told Robby that these movies are not helping me with my swearing problem. My favorite swear word of all time is A-hole with Dammit coming in a close second. It is not good for me to hear this stuff all the time because the words just rise right out of my mouth before I realize it. What if I am in the middle of church or something and the word comes out?! I will be in deep doo-doo.

My newest little hobby/craft project is embroidering dish towels and then putting a cute fabric border on them. They look so cute and retro. Robby even mentioned tonight how he likes having them in the kitchen so he can dry his hands. Score.

If I am not embroidering, I am cleaning up ferret poop. I think we are feeding the ferrets too much. They are pooping at a rate that boggles the mind. I clean up one little pile (off a puppy pad) only to turn around and find another little pile. Bandit, the baby, has the most nasty poop. It is always runny and has a real ferrety odor. Robby claims it makes him gag to pick up the poop. Thank goodness we never had a baby together. Something tells me he didn't change a lot of diapers...hahahaha!!! BRAT!!

Well, it is evening and time to watch another Netflix movie with Robby. I will enjoy this while I can and can sleep in.

June 25

I just realized that four years ago today my divorce from Fred was finalized. I recall literally doing a happy dance in front of the 10230 home in front of Fred. Probably not very nice, but I was relieved to be free of him, his drama and unfaithfulness. 'Nough said.

Thursday is my last day of externship. I am mixed about that. I am relieved that I can sleep in for a while until I find a job, but I will miss the excitement and the people I have gotten to know in the clinic. I love working in the medical field. I love helping people feel better. I love talking with each patient and getting to know them a little. I love drawing blood. I love the teamwork that happens when someone needs a lot of care.

Today a 78 year old woman was standing on a step ladder and fell. She banged the back of her head on a nearby table and she cut her head open pretty badly. She cut it clear to the bone. The laceration was about three inches long. The doctor told her that she had literally scalped herself. I was able to help the RN clean her up, reassure her, get the instruments ready for the doctor and watch the suturing. That was fascinating because they used a stapler. Not your average office stapler. When you get that kind of a laceration, they usually staple it shut. The doctor gave her nine staples to the back of the head. I cleaned all the blood out of her hair. The RN came back in and said, "Judi is MUCH better with hair than I am!" He had been trying to clean her hair and was doing an okay job of it. She's going to be sore for a while.

Yesterday a little four year old boy came in needing stitches on his face. The neighbor's dog had bitten him right below the eye. It wasn't bad. He just needed three little stitches. The funniest thing is when the RN asked him what was in his pockets because they were all full and lumpy. The little boy pulled out a cherry. His pockets were full of cherries he had picked. I laughed so hard. I thought that was so cute!!

I realized while working there that I love the adrenaline rush I get when there is a patient that needs serious stuff done. I love being in the middle of it all. I love knowing that I made their experience a little more comfortable. I have discovered my little niche.

We have been watching "Dexter" and I am hooked. I find myself thinking about it a lot and analyzing the whole thing.

Our little ferret, Bandit, is so funny. Every morning I let the two of my little ferrets out of the the cage and they run straightaway to the food dishes. Then they frolic for the rest of the morning while I am trying to get ready for work. It's so cute.

I am exhausted, but in a good way. That's another thing I love about my job. I come home completely fulfilled and feeling like I have done something of worth. It's awesome!

Last night Robby and I went to see "The Source Code". The movie was okay. We got there early because we like to get places early. We love to catch the previews, too. By the time the movie was starting, people were still streaming in...Mormon standard time at the dollar movie theater...grrr. These three guys came down our row and asked us to scoot over one seat so they could all sit together. We were kind of disgruntled. The previews were showing and we were irritated that they were late. Then, as the movie was starting, one of them was messing with his fart app on his iPhone. So annoying. You could hear them giggle like little girls and one would say, "Man, what did YOU eat?" I told Robby that if it happened one more time, I was going to go complain. Of course, it happened one more time. So I grabbed one of the theater workers and dragged her in. She gave them the evil eye and told me that if they did it again, she would kick them out. They were good after that. But I did hear a suspicious cough right after I sat down. I suspect they probably said, "Bitch" in their cough. Whatever. Typical BYU students. They come into the dollar movie theater and act all stupid and yell things during the movie. Very lame.

Saturday

This week was a pretty busy week. I worked Monday, took off Tuesday and then worked Wednesday through Saturday. I saw a ton of stuff. Sometimes it's heartbreaking and sometimes I have to laugh. I love the clinic. I love learning all the stuff there is to know. I love helping people. I love talking medicine with the nurses and doctors. It's so fascinating to me.

Yesterday we sent a lady to the ER because she had gotten her index finger stuck in a machine and tore off the pad of her finger. She was holding it above her head and crying. I didn't blame her one bit. It looked pretty awful. Today we sent a teenage boy to the ER because he got his finger stuck between the handle and the hammer of the gun he was shooting. It was really bad looking. He was literally shaking with shock. His mother wouldn't even look at it. That's where she differs from me. I would have looked at it to assess the damage. The nurse wrapped it up and told him they needed to go to the ER. I hung around to chat with him and make sure he was okay while she went to get more bandages and some ice. I told him that his finger was still intact, he had just lost the thumbnail. He would be okay, but he needed to calm down or he would suffer the effects of shock. He visibly relaxed and took deep breaths. I told him to hold his hand above his head to keep from bleeding so much.

I gave a hip shot to one lady today who told me that I did such a good job, she hardly felt it. That made me feel really good. Another lady came into the clinic because she thought she might have a blood clot on her leg. I asked her if she would let me look at it and feel it. They are usually hard, swollen, hot to the touch and very painful. I told her I was a student and had never seen or felt a blood clot before and would love to see what one might look like. She was very happy to let me look at it and feel it. She also told me she had no idea I was a student because she thought I was so professional. She thought I had been doing this for years. That made me feel really good.

I love my job. I love the people I work with. Everyone is friendly and helpful to me. They always thank me for my help when I leave and I always tell them I love to be there and love the work.

I miss Emeli and every time I go somewhere or buy something, I think about how much she would love what we are doing or what we are getting. I know she will love our new little ferret, Bandit. He is a biter, but we are taming the savage little beast.

Bandit

I had to put Ollie down yesterday and it was very hard! We took him to the vet and she told me that he had lymphosarcoma. That is a common cancer for ferrets. His was spread throughout his cells. She told us that the kindest thing for him would be to put him down. I had suspected that and was not surprised. Robby was not prepared for that. He was hoping that he could be saved. He was crying. I told them I would stay with Ollie and be with him when they put him down. That was harder than I thought. They had a little gas mask on him and he was completely out and then they inject his heart with something that makes his heart stop beating. The vet had a stethoscope and listened to his heart. Just before he told me that Ollie was gone, I felt Ollie's presence to the left of me. It was the most bizarre thing. I just felt he was standing there looking up at me like he has done thousands of times as I fed him or stood in the kitchen with him beside me. It was comforting. Robby could not bear to be there, so he waited in the car. When I came out, I was bawling. He asked me if I was okay. I told him I needed ice cream. Robby took me to DQ.

So today at work, toward the end of my shift, Robby came in with a smirk on his face. I knew he was up to something. He asked me if I had a minute, so I followed him out to the car. He told me to look on the driver's seat and there was a box. I turned and said, "Did you get me a kitten?" He grinned and said, "No, look..." On the outside of the box, he had written, "Hi Mom...my name is Bandit." I opened the box and there was a little ferret. He was tiny and had the raccoon face that is so cute! I had half an hour of work left and it seemed to last forever. I asked him why he had bought me the ferret. He said, "Yesterday you were so sad about Ollie. I didn't like to see you like that." I love Robby!

When I got home, I went to pick up Bandit and he gave me a nasty little bit on my pointer finger...little beast. I know he is adjusting, so I forgive him. But the biting will not continue. For biting, you scruff ferrets like you do puppies and that's what we are going to have to do. Little Teddy is very excited to have him. He showed Bandit all around the house and little Bandit followed him.

I wish Emeli was here so she could see him. I know she is going to love him.

Today at work was super busy. At one time, both doctors were using our two procedure rooms and stitching up patients. It was crazy! We had a possible pulmonary embolism, a 2 year old with severe bronchitis, another 2 year old who had put a pony bead up her nose, a couple of possible broken bones, lots of strep tests, a few UTI's and lots of sinus and abdominal problems. I LOVE this!!! I also love the people who work there. It is a lot of fun there. We work well together and I love it.

June 9

So tomorrow is June 10. A year ago tomorrow I walked out on Novacoast and was "Laid off". At the time, I knew it was the right thing to do to accept being laid off and receiving unemployment. I also knew I was going to try to go to school. I had such a good feeling about it. Robby was very nervous, but told me that he was going to trust my feelings. I am SO grateful that a year ago Rick was such a jerk that I finally walked.

I am loving my externship. I love the ladies who work there. The doctors are starting to trust me more and know that I want to help and will do anything to learn. Occasionally, I see heart breaking things. Occasionally, I see things that really bother me. Today an 86 year old lady came in who had been to visit her husband at the home where he is staying. She was getting into her car and fell. The people at the home saw her fall, came and brought her back in and cleaned her up. She came to us right after that. She really tore up her elbow and hand. Her skin was like parchment and the doctor had to use three different threads to stitch her up. It took him a long time. My heart just broke seeing her like that. Sometimes we get these sassy old guys who think they are funny and pretend to be these ornery old guys. One guy today had a cap that said "World War II veteran" so I knew he was Dad's generation. He was wearing a t-shirt that someone had written "The Italian Stallion" on the back. He was there for a dressing change. I started putting on gloves and he immediately yelled, "Why are you doing that, putting gloves on? Well, maybe it's a good thing because I probably have HIV" I turned to him and said, "I'm putting these gloves on to protect you from ME!" That shocked him and he gave out a shout of laughter. The doctor must have heard us because he came in and told me that the guy had fallen off a bar stool. He paused for a moment and then said, "At an ice cream parlor!" Another old guy comes in to get his blood checked to see how it clots. If they get blood thinners for strokes, clots or high blood pressure, they need to be monitored to make sure the blood doesn't get too thin. He is notorious around the clinic. I went out to get him and he barked, "What are ya smiling like that for? Are you looking forward to poking me?!" I replied that that is precisely why I went into this line of business and that is why I was smiling. Once again, he took a double take and then laughed. They remind me of Dad.

I love the ladies that work there. When it's slow, we sit around and chat and I get along with them really well. Carolyn was telling me that she is going to put in a glowing review for me. She would love for me to work there. I actually look forward to going to work, unlike my last job. I dreaded every moment going there, hated being there and was thrilled to go home.

Now onto more depressing news. Ollie. We are going to have to put him down. We found out from the vet yesterday that he probably has a tumor in his pancreas. It is causing him to have hyperglycemia. It is a very common thing among ferrets. We could pay for the surgery to have the tumor removed, but there is no guarantee that he won't grow another one. Plus, if we don't have the surgery, he will waste away until he goes into shock. I know this is going to really upset Emeli. I am just grateful that we still have the cat and Teddy. She has been bonding with Teddy and I think that will help a little. Robby and I were talking about all the cute things about Ollie today. It is killing us to watch him literally wasting away. There is no life left in his eyes. He literally lies in a heap in a little blanket. Today he went potty and collapsed in his potty. I can't believe how much this little ferret has wormed his way into our hearts. He is just so darn cute. I will really miss him. I'm just glad we have had an opportunity to have him in our home. He has brought us so much laughter.

One week of externship

So I started my externship on Monday and it has been awesome! I am learning a ton of stuff and I'm sure I will soon know as much as any doctor--just kidding. Monday was pretty busy because everyone had been sick for weeks and finally decided that Memorial Day would be a good day to spend in a clinic. I met Linda who is probably in her mid 50's. She is the LPN I was supposed to follow that day. She was very sweet to me and very good about telling me how to do things. I met the other ladies there and they were at first a little shy around me. Once they got to know me a little and realized that I was friendly and willing to do anything, they were very open and friendly with me as well. I would LOVE to work at this clinic. I really enjoy the doctors there. There is a real cooperative spirit between everyone and I would love to be a part of it.

I have done a lot of blood draws. The first two were very unsuccessful. I almost made one guy pass out because I poked him twice (without any success) and then Katie (an MA) ended up poking him and getting blood. He had to lie down to keep from throwing up and passing out. I felt so awful!!!! I wanted to go home right then, but I also knew that I couldn't give up yet...jeez. But since then, I have done a quite a few successful blood draws and so I don't feel so bad. Plus, there have been some times where the ladies there have missed, too. One guy on Friday got poked 8 times and they were still unable to get blood from him. I wasn't even involved in that one.

I have seen a lot of strep, UTI's, a few badly scraped knees from bike accidents, broken arms, the corner of a fingertip cut off, naked bums because I had to give hip shots and vaginal itching. It has been fascinating. I come home exhausted, but totally fulfilled and loving every minute of it. I know I am in the right field. I just hope I can find a job.

On Tuesday afternoon, I took Ollie to the vet. We hadn't realized how much weight he was losing until we compared him to Teddy, our new little ferret. Ollie is completely scrawny. On Monday night his poop was literally liquid, he was shivering and totally lethargic. For Ollie, that is NOT normal. He is usually a pain in the butt getting into mischief. They loved him at the animal hospital because most of them had never held a ferret before. They kept him overnight and fed him liquids and antibiotics. It cost $200, but it was worth it. Emeli was distraught. She was crying. She asked me if he was dying. I told her he was very sick, but the vet said his heart and lungs sounded good. That was a good sign for me as long as we could get him hydrated and back to his usual weight. He is still not his usual self. He sleeps a lot, but I figure he is trying to heal. He has gained a little weight. They gave us this tube of stuff to give him. That is impossible. When I tried to give it to him, he made all kinds of ferrety noises and wouldn't eat it. Ferret noises are little grunts that sound like squeaks. It's absolutely adorable when two ferrets are making that noise together when they are playing. When they are avoiding medicine, it sounds like little shrieks and you feel like a jerk. They had to shave his little neck to draw blood. He has about four little red dots where they poked him. Poor guy. When he saw me when it was time to come home, he just lay in my arms with his little head against my shoulder. In fact, whenever I pick him up, he lays his little head on my shoulder and lets me pet him...very unusual for Ollie. It's so sweet. The thought of losing Ollie made me really scared. I have really grown attached to this little guy, even though there are times I would gladly skin him for the mischief he gets into!!!!!