September 21

I have not blogged in way too long.

Last week I took three days off work so I could hang out with Taylor and Emma. It was wonderful. It was also very hard to get back to work again. Thank goodness I had a weekend to adjust and now I am back in the swing of things.

Taylor and Emma are very cute together. I adore Emma and so does Robby. I think Taylor is very lucky. Emeli told me that when she walked up to the house on Friday and didn't see Taylor's car, she started to cry. She hates it when her siblings are separated by states like they are. I told her that she is lucky to have a wonderful "sister" in Emma. They will always be good friends and she is blessed to have her. Emeli agreed.

On Saturday, Robby and I went to the zoo. That was a mixed experience. It was so crowded because they have a baby elephant and it was the second Saturday she was on display. There were several groups of obnoxious teenagers. I don't mind teenagers when they get a little silly, but these were rude. At the black bear exhibit, one kid yelled out, "I wish I had my bow and arrow." I wanted to yell back and say, "Yeah, let's see how tough you are with that bow and arrow if you're standing face to face with the bear." Jerk. At the orangutans, another kid was throwing ice chips at the orangutan. I was livid. Then his twit girlfriend reached into her mouth and said, "I should throw my gum in there." I turned to her and said, "Do NOT throw your gum in there!" she looked at me with surprise and said, "It's not like it would kill him or anything." I wanted to slap her. I said, in a very quiet, slow voice (the one that my kids are very familiar with--it's the one that means I'm going to beat you in a second)"Yes, it will." After that, I turned and stalked off. I knew that if I stood there for another second, I would toss them both over the wall in with the animal. Meanwhile, Robby was seething as well. He is not a man who swears, but as we walked away, he was muttering things like, "If you throw that gum in there, I will kick your ass and toss you in after the gum..." The two of us found a zoo worker and reported them...that's the best revenge. Sadly, she told us that happens a lot.

Brett came home that night. I had baked caramel rolls. He walked in, took a huge sniff in the air and walked right into the kitchen and dug into the rolls.

Twenty minutes later, Emeli called me and wanted me to pick her up. I refused for a couple of reasons. 1) I was in my pajamas and in bed and 2) if I pick her up every time she wants rescuing, her dad will accuse me of stealing the kids away from him on his weekend. If she wants to come home, she has to get him to do it. Twenty minutes later, Emeli was home. Her dad told her that it is my goal to keep them away from him. Whatever. On Sunday, I took her back to his house...drama.

We found a free desk on Craigslist and picked it up. Robby didn't like it, so Brett claimed it. He rearranged his room and was using it last night. It looks really nice in there.

Tonight for FHE, we are going to the Bean Museum and then to the BYU Creamery for ice cream. That will be nice. I will take pictures and put them on Facebook.

Today

So today was an interesting day. It's a Wednesday, so there are only two more days to the week and then it's the weekend again. I live for the weekend!!!!

The kids and I went to Mom's for dinner tonight. When I got there, Mom had me go into Grandma's room and look at her. Not a good sight. She was on the edge of her bed, hand extended and she was talking to some imaginary person. This person was handing her something and she was taking it. She was muttering about how it was time for them to leave. We walked her to her seat and she kept saying she would NOT eat until all the people left. Then she got mad at us for eating when there were still people in the house. Okay...I DO NOT want to live to be 99 years old. Eighty-five is plenty. Even then, if I'm not in good health, I don't want to live that long!

Today at work we celebrated Lacey's birthday with chocolate cake and ice cream. I was sick afterwards. My boss piled two huge scoops of ice cream in my bowl. Then he said, "Don't worry. Roberto won't mind if you have two scoops." I said, "I mind." If I want to eat ice cream, I will eat ice cream. But I choose NOT to eat ice cream because it's so dang fattening and I do not EVER want to be as heavy as I once was. So when we went to Mom's, I only had some salad and green beans. I was still full from the stupid cake and ice cream. Tonight Robby and I will walk. He doesn't like to walk fast or far, so I always have to kind of sneak in a long walk. Plus, he insists on holding hands while we walk or putting his arm around my shoulder with me holding his hand. That does not allow me to walk fast and that's probably part of his plan...haha! It's so nice to walk with him, though. Several people in the ward have commented to me about how cute they think it is that we walk all the time. I know it helps Robby let off some steam from work. His job sucks and walking helps him get all that out of his system.

I'm glad that the kids are home and we are back to normal again. When Brett walked into the house on Sunday afternoon, he stopped in the front room, looked around and let out a huge sigh. It was cute. Emeli is glad to be away from her step-mother and step-sisters. There is a whole lot of drama in that house. Cozette likes to blame Emeli for a lot of things and Emeli allows it and will take the blame for things that aren't even her fault. I told her tonight that if it continues, I will have to talk to Cozette. I also told her that it would be much better if Emeli stuck up for herself than if I get involved. If I get involved, it might result in bloodshed. I am not afraid of Cozette and I will tell her exactly how I feel about this. I refuse to allow her to break Emeli's spirit. I will not tolerate that.

I'm tired tonight. I slept well last night, but it was late. Robby had a very hard day at work and didn't get home until 8pm. By the time we walked, he unwound on the computer, and we read scriptures, it was late. Then when the lights went out, he needed to talk about his day at work. I lay there trying to keep my eyes open, but they were burning. Occasionally, I could feel myself dropping off and he would ask if I was still awake and I would jolt awake and lie, "Yes!" At a little after midnight he could tell I was doing everything I could to stay awake. He asked me if I was tired and I said, "A little" and he knew I was lying. He said he would stop talking. I felt so bad, but I couldn't help it! He woke up tired because he had so much on his mind he couldn't get to sleep. He lays there with a million things going through his head. If I fall asleep before him, it can take him up to two or three hours to finally fall asleep. Poor guy.

Today was the first day of school for Brett and Emeli. They ride the bus together to and from school. They are out the door by 7:05am. That allows me to get to work early and get home early. I love that. I get into work at 8am and leave at 4:30pm. Perfect!!

July 28, 2009

I am very happy to have the kids home again. It's always nice when it's just Robby and I, but after not seeing Brett for a month, I really was glad to pick him up at the airport and see him again.

Brett arrived home on Thursday night and Emeli arrived on Friday. I had been planning to make bobotti and show off a new South African dinner I had learned to make. I finally made it on Saturday afternoon. The kids liked it a lot.

On Saturday, we took Emeli and her friend, Bella, to the Oquirrh temple open house. That was really nice. I like the Draper temple better, though. Robby and I both thought the Oquirrh temple looked a lot like a hotel inside. You stand in the main lobby and there are all these banisters and railings. You feel like you are in a hotel lobby. It was pretty, but not as pretty as the Draper temple.

I would like Sundays better if I didn't have to go back to work on Monday. I am starting to find some friends in the ward, so now I enjoy church more. Robby teaches Sunday school to the 14 year olds and he's really cute. He always wears black slacks and always gets chalk marks on himself. He likes to stand in front of the class. I prefer to sit when I teach. He teases the kids and tells them stories of when he was a kid in South Africa. Because he doesn't have a teaching companion (a must), I sit in his class as the second person. On Sunday, I had forgotten to bring my scriptures. One of the boys had forgotten his scriptures and had gone to the library to get a couple sets. He gave me one. Of course, Robby had to make a comment about that. He called me Mrs. Library because that's what was written on the side of the scriptures...brat. haha!!

Emeli was thrilled to go to church because it was her first day in Young Women's. They spoiled her. They gave her a little baggie of treats, a frame with her name in it. They had taken each letter in her name and had listed a trait she had. I was so impressed by that. She also got her Personal Progress book. She was so cute. She wore the outfit I had bought her for her birthday and she looked just like a little Beehive. I was so proud of her. The choir director was talking to me in Relief Society and said, "Emeli is looking so old!" I told her that the second Emeli put her make up on, I regretted letting her put make up on at twelve years old. I wanted to change the rule to sixteen. She asked me if I really did that and I said there was NO way I would be allowed to get away with that!!

Yesterday was the first day for me to go back to work with the kids home alone together. I called to check on them. Brett was down in the basement sewing. He was designing a shirt for Emeli to wear from a plaid shirt he doesn't wear anymore. When I came home, she was modeling it for me. It was really good. Brett had taken a pair of jeans he doesn't wear anymore because they have a huge hole in the butt. He turned the pants into a school bag. He was down in the basement sewing up a storm all weekend. Robby and I would play darts while he sewed and commented on our game.

When they were gone, I would get so lonely at nights when Robby was working late. I would just sit and do my needlework and play my music really loud. I probably pestered Robby with all the texts I would send him. I really missed the kids' company.

By Sunday evening, I was kind of wishing it was just Robby and I again. Brett and Emeli were goofing around in the stairwell throwing a ball at each other. Whenever they goof around, Emeli ALWAYS gets hurt!!! I was just waiting for that. We told them to take their game outside. They did. I can tell they missed each other as well.

My favorite time is when we all sit down to dinner and talk. Brett likes to say something rude to me in German that only Robby can understand and then Robby will add his little piece to it. Dorks! It's very nice to have them home. I have really missed them. I would stay late at work because there was nothing to go home to. Robby would be at work and I would just be alone. Now I have a reason to leave work again.

My children

I'm sitting here alone, thinking about things as I stitch. I love stitching because it helps clear my head. It requires perfection or you have to tear the whole thing out. I like that. I am not usually a detail oriented person, but in needlework, you have to be, and to me, that is very therapeutic. It soothes me.

So I'm sitting here thinking about my children.

I know Taylor reads this blog and I want him to read this...

As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Taylor, I was scared out of my mind. I wasn't worried about having a child to raise. I had always known I wanted to be a mom. I was terrified of the pain. They had shown so many movies in high school about women having babies, that I was pretty converted to the idea of abstinence (which was their goal).

Before Taylor was born, I had thought I would work still. I would drop him off at a babysitter and work. I was pretty sure that's what I would do.

The moment Taylor came out, I knew I would never leave him with anyone. He was my child and I would raise him. I was in love instantly. He was a beautiful ten pound baby with an olive complexion and little slanted eyes. He looked like a little Indian baby. I had a C-Section, so I was in the hospital for three days. It was a total love fest. I held him as much as I could. When we left the hospital, people were telling me I was going to spoil him from holding him so much, but I didn't listen. I didn't care. I had done a lot of research and I had learned that you can't spoil a newborn. They need to know their little world is safe and that they are cherished and cherish is what I did. My sisters would get very upset with me because I would not let them hold him. My dad finally had to get after me. I will never forget how he said to me, "Judi, he is NOT the Christ child. Let your sisters hold your baby!" To me, he was the Christ child.

Taylor had a very sweet, obedient nature. He was a sponge. I would talk to him and he would just eat it up. He loved to be held and pet. I used to call him my "petting boy" because he loved to have me stroke his back and rub lotion all over his little body. Taylor was also a very sober child when he was little. It's like he knew the purpose of life even at a very young age. There were a few close calls for him. He was spared each time and I know it's because he has something to accomplish. He is meant for greatness. I have always known that.

I am excessively proud of Taylor and always have been. He has always had an inner confidence like he knows who he is and that God expects great things of him. I know he's right. I loved nothing more than having Taylor at home, on the computer in the front room listening to his music or showing me a new band he had discovered. I loved going into his room and listening to new songs or new previews for movies. I loved having his friends over and listening to them laugh and talk. I loved hearing him play his guitar at nights, even though I would tell him to stop at 10pm. I miss that a lot. Sometimes just the memories of that tug at my heart strings and I get misty eyed.

I love Freddy. Freddy had such a peaceful spirit when I was pregnant with him. I could feel it. He was such a sweet baby. He came at a very difficult time in my life. I was going through a lot of emotional upheaval. He was my easiest baby. That was a blessing.

Freddy had these huge, brown eyes that could melt anyone's heart. Those eyes hid the mischievous little spirit that dwells inside. Freddy may have looked sweet, but he was a devil child when he was younger. No child has tested my patience like Freddy, yet I love Freddy more than life itself.

Because Freddy has gone through a lot, he has empathy for others. He reminds me of my dad in that respect. He always cheers for the underdog and I love that about him. When I was going through the roughest time in my life, Freddy was there for me and I will never forget that.

Brett was a joy to raise. Brett was my little buddy when he was very young. He was an adorable baby. When he was eleven months old, I prayed to God that Brett would never grow up, but that he would stay this precious the rest of his life. Of course, that prayer went unanswered.

When I was pregnant with Emeli, Brett and I would "take a snooze" every day. He loved to be on a schedule and would ask me when we could take our nap if I was behind schedule. We would climb into bed together and he would throw his leg over my hip and we would sleep that way. It was so sweet.

Brett is very intelligent. I am amazed at how easily he takes tests and how easily he can pull his grades up. He remembers facts. He has a very compassionate side. He is very good with Emeli. The two of them are hilarious together at times.

Emeli was a very pleasant surprise. I thought I was done. I had three boys and I was good with that. I was told she would probably be a girl, but I didn't want to get my hopes up.

When she was born, they yelled out, "It's a girl!" and I started to cry and sob for joy. The nurses all made fun of me for crying when I was happy. But I was ecstatic.

I had no idea how wonderful it would be to have a daughter. Boys are great, but girls are awesome. I had someone who thought like me. She liked girlie things just like me. She has a sweet, compassionate nature. She is accepting of me and is easy to be around.

As she is maturing, I see a young woman who will be a great mother, friend and nurturer to the world. Children are naturally attracted to her tenderness. She has a beautiful spirit. She loves people and animals.

She is artistic, musical, smart, sassy and a lot of fun.

I love my children. I have always taken parenting very seriously. I knew who gave me these little spirits to raise and I know who I am accountable to when I die and report back. I will have to explain what I did with my children and how I raised them. When I would get mad or yell or spank the kids too much, I always felt a set of eyes watching me and I knew when those eyes were not pleased with my behavior.

I feel so grateful and blessed to be a mother. I am grateful for the four children I was blessed to raise. To me, the best thing I could ever be called is Mother. I have always been proud to be a mother. I would not trade that gift for anything in the world. I adore my children and hope they never doubt that.

July 3, 2009

I haven't blogged in a while. Mostly it's because life has been very stressful and when it gets stressful, I don't like to blog. I find myself just vomiting negative feelings and that's no fun for anyone to read.

Last Sunday Rachelle and her family came to visit. They stayed overnight and went to the Provo airport to the airshow on Monday. It was a nice day. We had set up a dart board in the basement. I had gotten Robby the dart board for Father's Day. He is very good at darts and always beats me! He has really good aim. I just kind of shoot from the hip. It was a relaxing visit and I enjoyed it thoroughly. While I was in the kitchen getting things ready for dinner, D'Jayden and Zoe kept climbing on the step ladder I have right by my sink. They would stand there and play in the bubbles of my dish water or just play with the tap. It reminded me of my kids. It was cute. I wished they lived closer. I would have them over to visit more often.

The last two weeks of work have been pretty busy. But I like it that way. When there is nothing to do, I go crazy. Yesterday was a pretty crazy day. It seemed like every time I turned around, there was another PO arriving in the fax. My job is to process those PO's. And of course, every PO that came had issues.

Heather and I play darts every day at work. One day we decided that whoever lost at darts would have to ask Bill about his cats. Bill is a whole other blog. Short version: Bill is fat, gross, has said some pretty creepy things to me, smells and if you get him talking about his cats, he could go on and on. I lost that game. Of course, everyone in the office thought that was hilarious, except Bill because he didn't know that he was part of the consequence. So I just casually asked him about his cats when I asked him about the phone calls he was making. I document his phone calls, so it's natural for me to ask him about his phone calls. He has a picture frame next to his monitor with a cat picture in it. I asked him about his cats and sure enough, I got way more information than I ever wanted to know. Then he picked up his frame and pulled out ALL the pictures that are behind the one picture that is showing. He changed the picture to his other cat. After that, I won about four games in a row. So Heather has had to come to work with no make up, do the robot in the cafeteria for 30 seconds, ask Rick his opinion on something (which is almost as bad as asking Bill about his cats), and flirt with Todd (a creepy Novell guy who is a perv). I have had to come to work with my hair in three pony tails, bring cookies to work and eat something off Bill's chair. That one was completely gross because there's a stain on his chair. Robby told me he would not kiss me anymore after I ate something off Bill's chair. Yesterday we played and the consequence was the person who lost has to sell lemonade to three people in the breakroom. We tied that game, so we put that consequence back in the cup to be drawn again...yikes! It is hard coming up with consequences for the loser, but it's hilarious.

I adore Heather. She is young enough to be my daughter and I feel kind of like her mother. We have a hilarious relationship. We met when I was working at Evans' Construction. It was funny when I first met her. I could tell that she is the type who doesn't open up right away. You have to earn her trust. She also thought I was a Molly. A lot of people think that of me. She soon got to know me and found out that I can be VERY irreverent. I left Evans because I couldn't handle it there. I hated that job. So did she. When I found Novacoast, I told her about it and she got hired too. So I have known her for about 1 1/2 years. She is my best friend out here. We have so many inside jokes. But I worry about her. She is a wild thing. She is married in the temple, yet she doesn't wear her garments. She has an occasional drink and I am afraid that she is having an affair. She has become pretty secretive. The mother in me recognizes that behavior. Yesterday she wore a very low cut shirt that showed a lot of cleavage. When I first saw her, I let my eyes bug out and said, "Wow!" Then I grabbed a post it note and put it in her cleavage. She laughed really hard. Later I wrote on an index card "Do not look here" and we put it in her shirt. My boss, who is a complete perv, said "Now I DEFINITELY won't look there!" He spent a lot of time talking to her in her office yesterday...

All week Emeli has been at girls' camp. She was so nervous all last weekend. She was convinced she would be homesick and want to come home. I kept telling her that she would have so much fun she would forget that she had a mother. I dropped her off on Monday morning and all day Monday I worried about her. Our home teacher went up on Tuesday to stay for the day. I called him on Wednesday to see if I needed to get a note to Emeli. Sometimes they collect letters from the moms and give them to the girls the last night at camp. I thought how terrible it would be if Emeli was the only girl there without a note. He told me she had seen him and told him to tell me that she was doing well. That reassured me. I could breath easier. I had been really worried that she would feel left out or lonely or homesick. She comes home today at 11am and I'm looking forward to spending some time with her. She has been at her dad's for two weeks and then went to girls' camp, so I haven't really seen a lot of her for the last three weeks. I miss her.

Buttons

On Friday we surprised Emeli with a hamster.

We went to a wedding of a co-worker of Roberto's. His name is Tony. He grew up in So Cal around Compton and had a pretty rough childhood. He spent a lot of time in youth detention centers and then served a four year prison term as an adult. He had married Kim, but when he went to prison, Kim divorced him. After his prison term, they got back together and were living together. They moved to Utah and met the missionaries. Now they are wanting to get married, because they can't be living together if they want to get baptized. So they got married and will get baptized on the 13th. Roberto gives him a ride to work sometimes.

After the wedding, we drove up to Orem to "run an errand" but didn't tell Emeli what it was. When we pulled into the Petsmart parking lot, she was delighted. She knew she was either going to get new fish or a hamster. We had kind of toyed with the idea of a hamster, but had told her they stink so we didn't really want one.

That afternoon, Roberto had bought the aquarium, shavings, food, dish, water bottle, etc. He didn't tell her, though. He kept all that in the car.

We got to Petsmart and looked around. Then we asked Emeli to pick out a hamster. They were all so darn cute. She chose one, they boxed it up for her and we were leaving and she asked us about a cage. Roberto just kind of brushed that off and said, "We'll go look for one tomorrow. Tonight he can just sleep in a big glass jar or something." Emeli believed that.

When we got home, Roberto asked her to help him unload some stuff out of the back of the car. She was surprised to see all the stuff. She turned around and gave Roberto a huge hug.

We got the hamster all set up and in his little habitat. Emeli decided to name him Buttons because that is the name of the little girl's hamster on "Making Fiends". Buttons is really cute.

Yesterday Roberto was lying on the bed and holding the hamster and letting it run all over his chest. Buttons pooped on him five different times, so Roberto decided it was time to put the hamster away...hahaha!!!

Buttons likes Emeli. He will let her reach in and stroke his back and stays there for it. When I reach in, he always runs...hm. So Emeli is delighted that Buttons likes her better.

She is so cute with her hamster and tells me all the time how much she loves him.

Scary dinner...

So I had the scariest thing last night at dinner. I was laughing and talking with Emeli about my co-worker, Bill. He had been farting all day in the office. They were the silent and deadly ones that would waft over to our corners of the office and we constantly had to spray room freshener all over the place. So I was relating that to Emeli and laughing. I took a deep breath and sucked in a piece of hamburger into my airway.

I stood up to catch my breath and sucked it even more into my airway. I was gasping and unable to get a breath and couldn't breathe through my nose, either. As I was literally wheezing and trying to get air past the piece of hamburger, Emeli started to freak out.

Her worst nightmare is that something will happen to me and I will die. So she ran through the house screaming Brett's name and crying at the same time. She ran upstairs and was running around on the landing upstairs screaming and crying. Meanwhile, Brett was down in the dungeon playing a video game, completely unaware. The dungeon is sound proof with cement walls so he heard nothing of what was going on.

I stood there trying to get air and knew that if I didn't do something quick, I was going to die. It was the most frightening thought. I still have a lot to do and I did not want to die right there in my kitchen with a piece of hamburger wedged in my airway.

I wrapped my hands into a fist and threw myself against my fist and the back of my chair. The hamburger piece went sailing out of my mouth and I could breathe. I stood there gasping air into my lungs and then went looking for Emeli. She was up on the landing just crying and screaming. She saw me at the bottom of the stairs and started crying in relief. I called her down to talk.

She was shaking and hysterical still. I held her and told her that it was okay. I was able to help myself. I said I'm a big girl and knew what to do. I explained the Heimlich maneuver and how I did it. I told her that from now on, she needs to stay and help rather than run screaming through the house. I showed her how to do the Heimlich.

Then I told her that it is obviously not my time to go yet. Heavenly Father spared me because I still have stuff I need to do, so she doesn't need to worry that I'm going to die anytime soon. If it were my time, Heavenly Father could have taken me right there, so she can stop worrying.

I sat back down to eat, but Emeli wouldn't let me eat. She told me to eat carefully and not talk while I was eating.

This morning she wrote me a note telling me to call her if anything happens to me and to always chew first and then I can talk. Funny girl. I reminded her that I have been around her for 11 years and nothing like that has ever happened and that I'm a big girl and I'll be okay. She worries so much.

So now I have a sore throat from wheezing and my stomach hurts right under my rib cage from where I hurled myself against the chair back. Emeli has a sore throat too. We figure it's from the screaming. A good reminder to always be careful when eating.

I looked up Heimlich after my experience and found out that lots of people die from that kind of thing because they panic and pass out and don't have the presence of mind or the time to give themselves the Heimlich. I am grateful that I was granted the presence of mind to stay calm and do what needed to be done to save myself.