My children

I'm sitting here alone, thinking about things as I stitch. I love stitching because it helps clear my head. It requires perfection or you have to tear the whole thing out. I like that. I am not usually a detail oriented person, but in needlework, you have to be, and to me, that is very therapeutic. It soothes me.

So I'm sitting here thinking about my children.

I know Taylor reads this blog and I want him to read this...

As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Taylor, I was scared out of my mind. I wasn't worried about having a child to raise. I had always known I wanted to be a mom. I was terrified of the pain. They had shown so many movies in high school about women having babies, that I was pretty converted to the idea of abstinence (which was their goal).

Before Taylor was born, I had thought I would work still. I would drop him off at a babysitter and work. I was pretty sure that's what I would do.

The moment Taylor came out, I knew I would never leave him with anyone. He was my child and I would raise him. I was in love instantly. He was a beautiful ten pound baby with an olive complexion and little slanted eyes. He looked like a little Indian baby. I had a C-Section, so I was in the hospital for three days. It was a total love fest. I held him as much as I could. When we left the hospital, people were telling me I was going to spoil him from holding him so much, but I didn't listen. I didn't care. I had done a lot of research and I had learned that you can't spoil a newborn. They need to know their little world is safe and that they are cherished and cherish is what I did. My sisters would get very upset with me because I would not let them hold him. My dad finally had to get after me. I will never forget how he said to me, "Judi, he is NOT the Christ child. Let your sisters hold your baby!" To me, he was the Christ child.

Taylor had a very sweet, obedient nature. He was a sponge. I would talk to him and he would just eat it up. He loved to be held and pet. I used to call him my "petting boy" because he loved to have me stroke his back and rub lotion all over his little body. Taylor was also a very sober child when he was little. It's like he knew the purpose of life even at a very young age. There were a few close calls for him. He was spared each time and I know it's because he has something to accomplish. He is meant for greatness. I have always known that.

I am excessively proud of Taylor and always have been. He has always had an inner confidence like he knows who he is and that God expects great things of him. I know he's right. I loved nothing more than having Taylor at home, on the computer in the front room listening to his music or showing me a new band he had discovered. I loved going into his room and listening to new songs or new previews for movies. I loved having his friends over and listening to them laugh and talk. I loved hearing him play his guitar at nights, even though I would tell him to stop at 10pm. I miss that a lot. Sometimes just the memories of that tug at my heart strings and I get misty eyed.

I love Freddy. Freddy had such a peaceful spirit when I was pregnant with him. I could feel it. He was such a sweet baby. He came at a very difficult time in my life. I was going through a lot of emotional upheaval. He was my easiest baby. That was a blessing.

Freddy had these huge, brown eyes that could melt anyone's heart. Those eyes hid the mischievous little spirit that dwells inside. Freddy may have looked sweet, but he was a devil child when he was younger. No child has tested my patience like Freddy, yet I love Freddy more than life itself.

Because Freddy has gone through a lot, he has empathy for others. He reminds me of my dad in that respect. He always cheers for the underdog and I love that about him. When I was going through the roughest time in my life, Freddy was there for me and I will never forget that.

Brett was a joy to raise. Brett was my little buddy when he was very young. He was an adorable baby. When he was eleven months old, I prayed to God that Brett would never grow up, but that he would stay this precious the rest of his life. Of course, that prayer went unanswered.

When I was pregnant with Emeli, Brett and I would "take a snooze" every day. He loved to be on a schedule and would ask me when we could take our nap if I was behind schedule. We would climb into bed together and he would throw his leg over my hip and we would sleep that way. It was so sweet.

Brett is very intelligent. I am amazed at how easily he takes tests and how easily he can pull his grades up. He remembers facts. He has a very compassionate side. He is very good with Emeli. The two of them are hilarious together at times.

Emeli was a very pleasant surprise. I thought I was done. I had three boys and I was good with that. I was told she would probably be a girl, but I didn't want to get my hopes up.

When she was born, they yelled out, "It's a girl!" and I started to cry and sob for joy. The nurses all made fun of me for crying when I was happy. But I was ecstatic.

I had no idea how wonderful it would be to have a daughter. Boys are great, but girls are awesome. I had someone who thought like me. She liked girlie things just like me. She has a sweet, compassionate nature. She is accepting of me and is easy to be around.

As she is maturing, I see a young woman who will be a great mother, friend and nurturer to the world. Children are naturally attracted to her tenderness. She has a beautiful spirit. She loves people and animals.

She is artistic, musical, smart, sassy and a lot of fun.

I love my children. I have always taken parenting very seriously. I knew who gave me these little spirits to raise and I know who I am accountable to when I die and report back. I will have to explain what I did with my children and how I raised them. When I would get mad or yell or spank the kids too much, I always felt a set of eyes watching me and I knew when those eyes were not pleased with my behavior.

I feel so grateful and blessed to be a mother. I am grateful for the four children I was blessed to raise. To me, the best thing I could ever be called is Mother. I have always been proud to be a mother. I would not trade that gift for anything in the world. I adore my children and hope they never doubt that.