Yesterday Barbi, Ryan, Barbi's kids and Mom went to the Timpanogas Temple to do baptisms for the dead. One of the people they were doing work for was Dad. He has been dead for 2 1/2 years and it is overdue for him to get his work done.
While Barbi was there, she felt Dad's presence three times. The first time was when she was walking down the stairs towards the baptistry. She felt like she walked right through him. She had an overwhelming feeling of his presence. She hadn't even thought about the possibility of feeling him there when she was walking downstairs. So it took her by surprise. The next time she felt him was when she was watching the baptisms. She felt like he sat down next to her with his arm behind her. She felt like he was telling her, "Be nice to your mother. Be nicer to her." When Barbi told me that, I knew that was my dad talking. He always demanded respect for my mother. If he ever caught us back talking her, we would be in so much trouble. One time we were walking though a house with a real estate agent. My mom had said something and I flippantly corrected her in front of the agent. I was walking behind her, feeling pretty smart. My dad hung back, stepped behind me and smacked me hard on the butt and quietly said, "Don't ever correct your mother like that again in front of someone." That put me in my place! The last time Barbi felt Dad, she was standing and watching something and he came up beside her and said,"What took you so long?" He was joking with her because we used to always tell him that the second he died, we would have his name in the temple waiting for the day we could baptize him. I am so glad he was there. Barbi felt like he was happy and I feel pretty sure he accepted the gospel.
I was telling Barbi that every once in a while I can feel him near me. I especially feel him around me on the weekends when the kids are with their dad and Roberto is at work. It's like he knows I'm a little lonely and I'm least distracted and will feel his presence more then. It's not a scary feeling. It's just a quiet assurance that he's there and aware of me. There are times I really miss him. I just wish I could call him up on the phone and hear his voice and hear his laughter. I loved his laugh and I loved it when he would laugh at something I said.
I am grateful I had a loving father like that. He had his faults. But he was a good man and a good father to me.
I have noticed that Roberto and his daughter, Rachelle, seem to have the same kind of relationship I had with Dad. She calls him a lot to talk about things. They are very close. She teases him mercilessly and it's hilarious. The two of them can banter like Dad and I would. I love watching them because it reminds me of Dad and I. I'm glad Roberto has that kind of relationship with Rachelle.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Wednesday
I don't have a lot to say, I guess. But I also feel like I need to let everyone know how we're doing.
Brett is cleaning his room right now. This morning we woke to him and Emeli bickering right outside our bedroom door. Brett had misplaced his key and he gets home from school before Emeli, so he wanted to borrow her key. Emeli is particularly careful with her key because it took her almost a year to get one. She had to prove she was responsible before Roberto would trust her with a key to the house. We live in the kind of neighborhood where we don't really trust our neighbors. So Emeli was very reluctant to let Brett have her key. After much banging and yelling, I finally got involved. I went out into the hallway and told Emeli she would let Brett use the key. She was ready to go head to head with me on it. I simply said in a very low growl, "Let him use the key or you are SO grounded." Emeli is very social with the girls in our neighborhood, so she knew grounding meant not playing outside after school. She let him use her key. Not only that, she recognized the low growl. About two or three nights a week, Brett cooks dinner. It's awesome. On the nights that Roberto doesn't cook dinner, Brett does. I will leave something out with instructions and Brett will do it. Tonight he made rolls. He makes awesome rolls with this recipe I have. We sit around the dinner sighing over how yummy they are.
Emeli is slimming down. Every day I look at her and see her develping hips and a shape. She is getting taller. We went to the Draper temple open house yesterday and she was wearing heels. Suddenly she looked like a young woman. I just kept staring at her while we were walking through the temple. I used to worry about her weight. I worried that she would get very heavy as a teenager and have issues from that. But she is becoming very pretty and mature looking. I'm mixed on my feelings about that. I love to see her blossoming, but I hate to see her grow up. My children are all growing up and going away! I don't like that.
I long for the days when they were little and all about me. I loved driving with them, running errands and talking and laughing and listening to music in the car. I loved dinner time with us all sitting around the table. I loved making dinner and hearing Taylor's music from the front room when the computer was in the front room. I loved hearing Taylor playing the guitar, hearing Freddy sifting through legos in his room, seeing the kids running in and out of the front and back yard. I loved hearing them on the trampoline in the summer. I miss those days of holding them and snuggling them when we watched movies. I remember Freddy saying, "Hold you me, Mom!" as he held his arms in the air. I remember Taylor sleeping in our bed, holding my hand as he fell asleep. I loved taking naps with Brett when I was pregnant with Emeli. I loved holding Emeli every night as I fed her her bottle and gently put her down in her crib. I miss those times. I just wish I had appreciated them more. I was always in such a rush and always trying to get things done so I didn't really sit and enjoy the moment.
Now my life is totally different. I work all day. I come home and I have missed the afternoon with the kids. I don't get to greet them when they come home. But I also know they are okay. If I had to rush home, I have the kind of boss who would let me go at a moment's notice for my kids. That's a good thing. I am very blessed in that respect. And, I am a six minute drive away.
Tonight I was leaving work and Heather said, "Come in and sit down in Rick's office and talk with us." I said,"No, I have kids home alone tonight so I need get home." Rick nodded because he understood but he also said, "No, that's the time you go shopping at the mall!" I don't like to stay at work any longer than I need to. I have a wonderful family to get home to. I like to be home with them. I miss them. I enjoy the joking and the fun of getting dinner ready. I especially love it when Roberto cooks. He is a good cook and he is very possessive of the kitchen when he cooks. He won't let me help him. I am only allowed to make a vegetable or set the table. He's so funny. Brett will stand by and talk with us. I know he likes to be with us. He really enjoys Roberto's sense of humor, too. The two of them will tease me the whole time. I love those moments. We are very happy here.
Brett is cleaning his room right now. This morning we woke to him and Emeli bickering right outside our bedroom door. Brett had misplaced his key and he gets home from school before Emeli, so he wanted to borrow her key. Emeli is particularly careful with her key because it took her almost a year to get one. She had to prove she was responsible before Roberto would trust her with a key to the house. We live in the kind of neighborhood where we don't really trust our neighbors. So Emeli was very reluctant to let Brett have her key. After much banging and yelling, I finally got involved. I went out into the hallway and told Emeli she would let Brett use the key. She was ready to go head to head with me on it. I simply said in a very low growl, "Let him use the key or you are SO grounded." Emeli is very social with the girls in our neighborhood, so she knew grounding meant not playing outside after school. She let him use her key. Not only that, she recognized the low growl. About two or three nights a week, Brett cooks dinner. It's awesome. On the nights that Roberto doesn't cook dinner, Brett does. I will leave something out with instructions and Brett will do it. Tonight he made rolls. He makes awesome rolls with this recipe I have. We sit around the dinner sighing over how yummy they are.
Emeli is slimming down. Every day I look at her and see her develping hips and a shape. She is getting taller. We went to the Draper temple open house yesterday and she was wearing heels. Suddenly she looked like a young woman. I just kept staring at her while we were walking through the temple. I used to worry about her weight. I worried that she would get very heavy as a teenager and have issues from that. But she is becoming very pretty and mature looking. I'm mixed on my feelings about that. I love to see her blossoming, but I hate to see her grow up. My children are all growing up and going away! I don't like that.
I long for the days when they were little and all about me. I loved driving with them, running errands and talking and laughing and listening to music in the car. I loved dinner time with us all sitting around the table. I loved making dinner and hearing Taylor's music from the front room when the computer was in the front room. I loved hearing Taylor playing the guitar, hearing Freddy sifting through legos in his room, seeing the kids running in and out of the front and back yard. I loved hearing them on the trampoline in the summer. I miss those days of holding them and snuggling them when we watched movies. I remember Freddy saying, "Hold you me, Mom!" as he held his arms in the air. I remember Taylor sleeping in our bed, holding my hand as he fell asleep. I loved taking naps with Brett when I was pregnant with Emeli. I loved holding Emeli every night as I fed her her bottle and gently put her down in her crib. I miss those times. I just wish I had appreciated them more. I was always in such a rush and always trying to get things done so I didn't really sit and enjoy the moment.
Now my life is totally different. I work all day. I come home and I have missed the afternoon with the kids. I don't get to greet them when they come home. But I also know they are okay. If I had to rush home, I have the kind of boss who would let me go at a moment's notice for my kids. That's a good thing. I am very blessed in that respect. And, I am a six minute drive away.
Tonight I was leaving work and Heather said, "Come in and sit down in Rick's office and talk with us." I said,"No, I have kids home alone tonight so I need get home." Rick nodded because he understood but he also said, "No, that's the time you go shopping at the mall!" I don't like to stay at work any longer than I need to. I have a wonderful family to get home to. I like to be home with them. I miss them. I enjoy the joking and the fun of getting dinner ready. I especially love it when Roberto cooks. He is a good cook and he is very possessive of the kitchen when he cooks. He won't let me help him. I am only allowed to make a vegetable or set the table. He's so funny. Brett will stand by and talk with us. I know he likes to be with us. He really enjoys Roberto's sense of humor, too. The two of them will tease me the whole time. I love those moments. We are very happy here.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
In contrast...
Last weekend was wonderful and this one has been pretty crappy. I expected it, so I'm not too surprised. I started my period on Thursday night. By Friday morning, I was miserable, but I had to go to work. I don't have any sick time and I need the hours. I endured most of the day. I just moved very slowly. We had a work lunch at Costa Vida, which was good, but I was not really able to enjoy my meal. Heather sat next to me and said, "You need to finish everything on your plate..." We came back to the office and I was feeling much worse. Finally, after doubling over in pain in the bathroom, I knew it was time for me to think about going home. I would leave at 4:00 instead of 5:00. Just an hour early and I could make up the time next week. My boss can be really cool and then he can be a jerk. This time he was really cool. I went in his office and told him I don't feel well, plus I don't have much to do. He told me to go home and pretend I stayed until 4:00. So I did. Good thing because the second I got home, it hit like a vengeance!!!
Poor Emeli could hear me groaning and came up the stairs to check on me. I was on the bed just crying in pain. That scared the heck out of her and I felt bad for doing that to her, but I couldn't help it. She is so worried that something will happen to Roberto or I and she will be left alone. I know it's from the divorce. In her child's mind, she knows that things are not forever and could change and get bad anytime. That's also something that makes me feel really guilty. The divorce was really hard on her. It just kind of pulled the carpet out from under her. She lay next to me on the bed quietly crying for me. She quietly asked me if I was going to die. I told her I felt like I was going to die, but no, I was not going to die. I would recover from this, but in the meantime, I felt really crappy. I told her not to worry about me. I was just in a lot of pain, but would be better soon. She still stayed by me for about half an hour just making sure I didn't split in half or something. Poor thing.
Mom brought me some Xanex (muscle relaxers) and some health food pills she got. They are these little tiny white circle pills that look like candy. You take eight at a time and let them dissolve on your tongue. Amazingly enough, they work. They don't make it all go away, but they sure do help. You take eight pills and then fifteen minutes later, you take eight more. I'm going to invest in those little guys for next month, too. Something tells me it is not going to get any better.
Roberto kept calling me. One time he called me and I was in tears. I haven't been in that kind of pain for a long time and it worried him. He told me he wished there was something he could do. But there really isn't anything. At 4am, I woke up in pain again and took some of the little white candy pills. Once again, I was surprised that they worked. I took two doses of them and I was able to go back to sleep by 5am. Of course, I woke Roberto up, though. He just rolled over and held me until I fell back to sleep. That's about all he can do for me. I feel guilty, though, because I toss and turn a lot when I am like that. Needless to say, he didn't sleep well last night, either.
Today I finally feel a little human. I'm not all the way better, but I was able to go grocery shopping and make some dinner. But now I am in bed again because I'm feeling a little worse. So I am taking it easy. If I feel like this tomorrow, I am NOT going to church. I will just lie in bed and curl up in a ball.
I'm grateful that this thing only lasts for about two days, though. If it were much longer, I would probably toss myself off our balcony. I am grateful for my children who are especially helpful at this time. They run and fetch for me when I am lying in bed. Unfortunately, Roberto has to work all the time, so he can't be here. But I'm sure he would prefer that to waiting on me hand and foot or listening to me moan...just a guess. :)
Poor Emeli could hear me groaning and came up the stairs to check on me. I was on the bed just crying in pain. That scared the heck out of her and I felt bad for doing that to her, but I couldn't help it. She is so worried that something will happen to Roberto or I and she will be left alone. I know it's from the divorce. In her child's mind, she knows that things are not forever and could change and get bad anytime. That's also something that makes me feel really guilty. The divorce was really hard on her. It just kind of pulled the carpet out from under her. She lay next to me on the bed quietly crying for me. She quietly asked me if I was going to die. I told her I felt like I was going to die, but no, I was not going to die. I would recover from this, but in the meantime, I felt really crappy. I told her not to worry about me. I was just in a lot of pain, but would be better soon. She still stayed by me for about half an hour just making sure I didn't split in half or something. Poor thing.
Mom brought me some Xanex (muscle relaxers) and some health food pills she got. They are these little tiny white circle pills that look like candy. You take eight at a time and let them dissolve on your tongue. Amazingly enough, they work. They don't make it all go away, but they sure do help. You take eight pills and then fifteen minutes later, you take eight more. I'm going to invest in those little guys for next month, too. Something tells me it is not going to get any better.
Roberto kept calling me. One time he called me and I was in tears. I haven't been in that kind of pain for a long time and it worried him. He told me he wished there was something he could do. But there really isn't anything. At 4am, I woke up in pain again and took some of the little white candy pills. Once again, I was surprised that they worked. I took two doses of them and I was able to go back to sleep by 5am. Of course, I woke Roberto up, though. He just rolled over and held me until I fell back to sleep. That's about all he can do for me. I feel guilty, though, because I toss and turn a lot when I am like that. Needless to say, he didn't sleep well last night, either.
Today I finally feel a little human. I'm not all the way better, but I was able to go grocery shopping and make some dinner. But now I am in bed again because I'm feeling a little worse. So I am taking it easy. If I feel like this tomorrow, I am NOT going to church. I will just lie in bed and curl up in a ball.
I'm grateful that this thing only lasts for about two days, though. If it were much longer, I would probably toss myself off our balcony. I am grateful for my children who are especially helpful at this time. They run and fetch for me when I am lying in bed. Unfortunately, Roberto has to work all the time, so he can't be here. But I'm sure he would prefer that to waiting on me hand and foot or listening to me moan...just a guess. :)
Monday, February 16, 2009
Valentine's Weekend...
This weekend was so nice. I always enjoy a weekend alone with Roberto. I miss the kids, but it's a great time for us to have some quality time alone. We usually grow closer from it and I enjoy that.
Shari gave me an itunes gift card for $25. So Roberto has been helping me find some great songs to run on my trampoline to. He's so cute. He suggests all these old 70's rocker classics that he grew up listening to. As it's playing, he will say, "It's probably not fast enough, huh?" It was fast enough for him to risk his life driving like a madman with the song blaring from his radio, but not fast enough to run to. We found some techno and I downloaded some of that, added it to my exercise playlist and now I run to a few more fun songs. I think he was getting tired of what was on my playlist...haha!!
On Friday night, he got off work at 9pm instead of 10. Mom and I went to the movies and I got out of the movie in time to get a smoothie with Mom and then pick Roberto up from work. A friend of his from work was fixing brakes on my PT Cruiser. They sounded awful!!! We raced home from his friend's house and this time I won. I usually never win. Roberto took a longer way home than I did. It's so funny how he competes in EVERYTHING!!!
Saturday we just hung around the house and did nothing. We slept in, which was nice because lately I have been getting to work early to make up hours for my birthday. So to sleep in felt SO good!!! I made lemon poppyseed muffins and took some up to Roberto for breakfast. I had told him that all I wanted for Valentine's day was a hand written love note. He sends me love notes on email, but one in his writing would mean a lot to me. We are really tight and I knew he couldn't spend money on a big dinner or flowers, so a hand written love note was what I wanted. For him, I had made hearts and had hidden them throughout his things so he would find them all week long. That was fun. He had to work from 3-10. When he got home, he put a piece of paper on the bed. I thought that was the love note, but it was a quiz he had given to the kids at work. He had told them stuff about South Africa and then quizzed them. It was hand written. He told me the answers to the questions I didn't know. I sat thinking that maybe he had forgotten about the note. Then he turned to his backpack and pulled out another piece of paper...BRAT!!! He looked at me with a mischievous grin and it was the love note. He told me later that he had purposely given me the South Africa quiz knowing I would think it was the love note and I would be wondering if he forgot. He had teased me that he would just write me a post-it note telling me he loved me. His love note was very sweet. Earlier in the day, he had given me a ring. A few months ago, he had bought a bunch of jewelry hoping to sell it online, but he keeps giving it to me instead. I told him I am running out of fingers. It was a very pretty topaz ring that sparkles brightly. I love it.
On Sunday he had to work as well, so after he left, I baked rolls and au gratin potatoes for a dinner at Barbi's. That was nice. Her kids love my rolls and potatoes. So when I bring them, they always say, "Are these YOUR rolls or potatoes?" when I say yes, they get all excited. Funny. Grandma was her usual wenchy self. I was leaving and making a point of saying good-bye to her because she always complains to Mom later if I don't say good-bye. She turned to me and asked me if I managed to get any dinner. I told her yes, I was able to eat. She said, "Good. Because you sure did enough talking! I thought you might not have been able to eat." I turned to see Ryan grinning like an idiot...grrrr!! I said, "Yes, Grandma, I managed to eat." Ryan yelled out, "She just talked with her mouth full." BRAT!!!
Roberto called me kind of upset while he was at work. One of his ex's daughters emailed him. It was his second wife's daughter. She wanted to apologize for her behavior towards him. She and her mother aren't speaking and she has realized how terrible she and her siblings were towards him. Roberto has been trying to put that whole incident behind him and to have this girl email him again, just kind of opened everything again. It really shook him up. I came by on my way to Barbi's to give him some of my rolls, which he loves and to give him a hug. He held tightly to me. When he got home last night, he was still kind of shaky. I fed him some macaroni and held him tightly. He's doing better now.
Today I tackled the basement. It has been a pit since we moved in. I just dumped everything where I could, hoping for the energy to organize it later. Today was the day. It looks like a whole different place. It took me 2 1/2 hours, but it's done. Now I know where everything is. I used to just go down there and dig through boxes to find stuff, but now I know where it all is and just have to go through drawers and organize those. That should be a lot easier work. Whew! What a job that was!!!
Tomorrow starts another week of work with possible drama. Rick is firing at least two people in our office. It's going to be bad, I can feel it. I'm not looking forward to that at all. I'm just glad it's not me. According to him, I do a great job and am secure. Whew!!!
Shari gave me an itunes gift card for $25. So Roberto has been helping me find some great songs to run on my trampoline to. He's so cute. He suggests all these old 70's rocker classics that he grew up listening to. As it's playing, he will say, "It's probably not fast enough, huh?" It was fast enough for him to risk his life driving like a madman with the song blaring from his radio, but not fast enough to run to. We found some techno and I downloaded some of that, added it to my exercise playlist and now I run to a few more fun songs. I think he was getting tired of what was on my playlist...haha!!
On Friday night, he got off work at 9pm instead of 10. Mom and I went to the movies and I got out of the movie in time to get a smoothie with Mom and then pick Roberto up from work. A friend of his from work was fixing brakes on my PT Cruiser. They sounded awful!!! We raced home from his friend's house and this time I won. I usually never win. Roberto took a longer way home than I did. It's so funny how he competes in EVERYTHING!!!
Saturday we just hung around the house and did nothing. We slept in, which was nice because lately I have been getting to work early to make up hours for my birthday. So to sleep in felt SO good!!! I made lemon poppyseed muffins and took some up to Roberto for breakfast. I had told him that all I wanted for Valentine's day was a hand written love note. He sends me love notes on email, but one in his writing would mean a lot to me. We are really tight and I knew he couldn't spend money on a big dinner or flowers, so a hand written love note was what I wanted. For him, I had made hearts and had hidden them throughout his things so he would find them all week long. That was fun. He had to work from 3-10. When he got home, he put a piece of paper on the bed. I thought that was the love note, but it was a quiz he had given to the kids at work. He had told them stuff about South Africa and then quizzed them. It was hand written. He told me the answers to the questions I didn't know. I sat thinking that maybe he had forgotten about the note. Then he turned to his backpack and pulled out another piece of paper...BRAT!!! He looked at me with a mischievous grin and it was the love note. He told me later that he had purposely given me the South Africa quiz knowing I would think it was the love note and I would be wondering if he forgot. He had teased me that he would just write me a post-it note telling me he loved me. His love note was very sweet. Earlier in the day, he had given me a ring. A few months ago, he had bought a bunch of jewelry hoping to sell it online, but he keeps giving it to me instead. I told him I am running out of fingers. It was a very pretty topaz ring that sparkles brightly. I love it.
On Sunday he had to work as well, so after he left, I baked rolls and au gratin potatoes for a dinner at Barbi's. That was nice. Her kids love my rolls and potatoes. So when I bring them, they always say, "Are these YOUR rolls or potatoes?" when I say yes, they get all excited. Funny. Grandma was her usual wenchy self. I was leaving and making a point of saying good-bye to her because she always complains to Mom later if I don't say good-bye. She turned to me and asked me if I managed to get any dinner. I told her yes, I was able to eat. She said, "Good. Because you sure did enough talking! I thought you might not have been able to eat." I turned to see Ryan grinning like an idiot...grrrr!! I said, "Yes, Grandma, I managed to eat." Ryan yelled out, "She just talked with her mouth full." BRAT!!!
Roberto called me kind of upset while he was at work. One of his ex's daughters emailed him. It was his second wife's daughter. She wanted to apologize for her behavior towards him. She and her mother aren't speaking and she has realized how terrible she and her siblings were towards him. Roberto has been trying to put that whole incident behind him and to have this girl email him again, just kind of opened everything again. It really shook him up. I came by on my way to Barbi's to give him some of my rolls, which he loves and to give him a hug. He held tightly to me. When he got home last night, he was still kind of shaky. I fed him some macaroni and held him tightly. He's doing better now.
Today I tackled the basement. It has been a pit since we moved in. I just dumped everything where I could, hoping for the energy to organize it later. Today was the day. It looks like a whole different place. It took me 2 1/2 hours, but it's done. Now I know where everything is. I used to just go down there and dig through boxes to find stuff, but now I know where it all is and just have to go through drawers and organize those. That should be a lot easier work. Whew! What a job that was!!!
Tomorrow starts another week of work with possible drama. Rick is firing at least two people in our office. It's going to be bad, I can feel it. I'm not looking forward to that at all. I'm just glad it's not me. According to him, I do a great job and am secure. Whew!!!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Drama...
Wow...so it started on Monday. Emeli was in P.E. and she was backing up to catch the ball and backed up against the brick wall and smacked her head. She was very upset that her teacher had only said, "Watch for the wall..." in kind of a bored tone. So when she smacked her head, she was surprised and it really hurt. Then she was mad because no one took the time to feel sorry for her. When she got home, she was in a foul mood. She proceeded to try and take everyone with her. By the time I got home from work, she was fully in a snit. After dinner, I held her in my arms and let her cry about it for a little bit.
Emeli has been fighting a miserable cold with a lingering, hacking cough that doesn't really do anything except sound annoying. It doesn't actually come up, it just sits and tickles. Then, occasionally, she will feel crappy and headachy. So on Tuesday, she had Roberto come pick her up from school. Midway through the afternoon, it occurred to her that she would not be able to play with her friend, Alandra, and she must have been feeling better, so she asked Roberto to take her back to school. Nope. Roberto didn't buy that and told her to rest. She started to cry. Roberto didn't buy that, either. When Brett came home, Emeli was in another snit. She was watching TV. Brett thought that he would like to play the piano, so he asked Roberto if that was okay. Sometimes Roberto will sleep in the afternoons because of his weird work schedule. Roberto gave the okay, so Brett went downstairs and just turned the TV off. Of course that brought about a huge argument. Emeli called me at work. After hearing her sob in my ear, I asked her to get Brett on the phone. His opinion is that practicing a musical instrument is far more important than Emeli watching TV. I started to debate that and then Brett gave me a huge attitude. I ended up getting very attitudinal with him as well. Emeli called me back later to inform me that when Brett hung up the phone, he called her a bitch. Meanwhile, I am at work, trying to get things done. I hate being disturbed at work for trivial things. It's not professional. I look like an idiot. It reminds me of working with McKala, who used to have personal calls from her children several times a day over stupid things that could have been resolved without her.
On my home from work, I told Roberto all this drama. He was oblivious to it all. He asked me why the kids didn't involve him. He was kind of hurt that they would exclude him and go straight to me. I told him it was probably because they didn't want it resolved. They just wanted to vent and knew I couldn't do anything except say, "Now, you stop that!" If they involved Roberto, he would ground them both. They didn't want that. He agreed.
So after dinner, which Brett made ( I secretly think he was trying to make up for his stupidity in calling his sister a name), we had a nice discussion about the afternoon. It was resolved that from now on, Roberto would be the one to take care of things if he is home. They are not to call me at work unless someone is bleeding or the house is one fire. He told them that if he opens the door and comes down to deal with it, there will be crap. We all laughed. Right about now, my co-worker would do an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation of Roberto, which is hilarious. I also told them that the next person who calls the other sibling a name gets his/her mouth washed out with soap. Emeli has called Brett a fag and Brett has called Emeli a bitch. If anyone does any more name calling, they will meet me at the sink. I'm done with it.
Then Emeli tried to complain about name calling at her dad's house. I interrupted her to say that I do not have jurisdiction at her dad's home and I will not even go there. Emeli kind of slumped in her chair. I get the idea that there is not a lot of consistent discipline in that home.
Today I went to the doctor for a very painful bladder infection. This is the fourth one in two years. I have not had this many ever. I usually get one every few years. The doctor told me that there are two groups of women that get that many UTI's. Twenty-something girls who are newly sexually active and women my age whose hormones levels are lowering. I think I would prefer to be in the first group of women. I have been struggling with this UTI for almost two weeks. It has been very bad. He came in and told me that I am either very tough or very foolish. I told him I am both. He laughed. He said that I had very high levels of puss and bacteria in my urine. How nice. All I know is that it was hurting like a mother to pee and I had to pee often and had a moment's notice. It's really bad at work when the bathroom is far away. I would find myself almost running the last few feet to the bathroom. But you can't run because then you shake up your bladder and you wet your pants, so you have to do a very careful walk to the bathroom. There were a couple of close calls, let me tell you!!! But now I am on meds and should be better in no time. The doctor even gave me refills so I don't have to go to the doctor the next time I get one, because there will be a next time!!! And the meds only cost $4 at WalMart. Yeah!!!
Emeli has been fighting a miserable cold with a lingering, hacking cough that doesn't really do anything except sound annoying. It doesn't actually come up, it just sits and tickles. Then, occasionally, she will feel crappy and headachy. So on Tuesday, she had Roberto come pick her up from school. Midway through the afternoon, it occurred to her that she would not be able to play with her friend, Alandra, and she must have been feeling better, so she asked Roberto to take her back to school. Nope. Roberto didn't buy that and told her to rest. She started to cry. Roberto didn't buy that, either. When Brett came home, Emeli was in another snit. She was watching TV. Brett thought that he would like to play the piano, so he asked Roberto if that was okay. Sometimes Roberto will sleep in the afternoons because of his weird work schedule. Roberto gave the okay, so Brett went downstairs and just turned the TV off. Of course that brought about a huge argument. Emeli called me at work. After hearing her sob in my ear, I asked her to get Brett on the phone. His opinion is that practicing a musical instrument is far more important than Emeli watching TV. I started to debate that and then Brett gave me a huge attitude. I ended up getting very attitudinal with him as well. Emeli called me back later to inform me that when Brett hung up the phone, he called her a bitch. Meanwhile, I am at work, trying to get things done. I hate being disturbed at work for trivial things. It's not professional. I look like an idiot. It reminds me of working with McKala, who used to have personal calls from her children several times a day over stupid things that could have been resolved without her.
On my home from work, I told Roberto all this drama. He was oblivious to it all. He asked me why the kids didn't involve him. He was kind of hurt that they would exclude him and go straight to me. I told him it was probably because they didn't want it resolved. They just wanted to vent and knew I couldn't do anything except say, "Now, you stop that!" If they involved Roberto, he would ground them both. They didn't want that. He agreed.
So after dinner, which Brett made ( I secretly think he was trying to make up for his stupidity in calling his sister a name), we had a nice discussion about the afternoon. It was resolved that from now on, Roberto would be the one to take care of things if he is home. They are not to call me at work unless someone is bleeding or the house is one fire. He told them that if he opens the door and comes down to deal with it, there will be crap. We all laughed. Right about now, my co-worker would do an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation of Roberto, which is hilarious. I also told them that the next person who calls the other sibling a name gets his/her mouth washed out with soap. Emeli has called Brett a fag and Brett has called Emeli a bitch. If anyone does any more name calling, they will meet me at the sink. I'm done with it.
Then Emeli tried to complain about name calling at her dad's house. I interrupted her to say that I do not have jurisdiction at her dad's home and I will not even go there. Emeli kind of slumped in her chair. I get the idea that there is not a lot of consistent discipline in that home.
Today I went to the doctor for a very painful bladder infection. This is the fourth one in two years. I have not had this many ever. I usually get one every few years. The doctor told me that there are two groups of women that get that many UTI's. Twenty-something girls who are newly sexually active and women my age whose hormones levels are lowering. I think I would prefer to be in the first group of women. I have been struggling with this UTI for almost two weeks. It has been very bad. He came in and told me that I am either very tough or very foolish. I told him I am both. He laughed. He said that I had very high levels of puss and bacteria in my urine. How nice. All I know is that it was hurting like a mother to pee and I had to pee often and had a moment's notice. It's really bad at work when the bathroom is far away. I would find myself almost running the last few feet to the bathroom. But you can't run because then you shake up your bladder and you wet your pants, so you have to do a very careful walk to the bathroom. There were a couple of close calls, let me tell you!!! But now I am on meds and should be better in no time. The doctor even gave me refills so I don't have to go to the doctor the next time I get one, because there will be a next time!!! And the meds only cost $4 at WalMart. Yeah!!!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Birthday...
I haven't blogged for a while, so I guess there is quite a bit to catch up on.
On Thursday, I turned 45 years old. Not too happy about that age. But I am happier and healthier than I have been in years. So I can be grateful for that.
We went to the Draper Temple open house and met Rachelle and her family there. That temple is huge and gorgeous. The kids were so good and so quiet. I was really impressed. Afterwards, we went to IKEA and looked around. We had lunch in their cafeteria. The day before, Rachelle and I had been joking on facebook that for my birthday, she would give me one of her meatballs from her lunch. So while we were eating, she took one of the meatballs off her plate that had a toothpick in it with the little tassles on it and gave it to me. We laughed about that. Roberto just kind of chuckles and shakes his head. I am wanting to get back into painting furniture, but this time selling it on etsy.com, so we were looking at possible painting projects for me. After IKEA, we met back up at our house in Springville. They beat us there and had time to chat with the kids before we arrived. Rachelle was laughing about how I want to paint everything. The kids laughingly told her that she should have seen our old house with the red, gold, and chalk board walls. I love color.
That morning, Roberto surprised me with an amethyst ring. It was very pretty. I love amethysts. He knows that, so he goes on his jewelry site and buys me amethysts. He likes tanzanites, so he also buys me those. I have never had more jewelry in my life. I am truly spoiled.
Over the weekend, I got a ton done. On Sunday, while Brett and Emeli played Monopoly, I cut out hearts. I also created a little Valentine wall upstairs. During the week, we are supposed to write things we love about each other on hearts and put them under each other's names. It's been cute to see what we write. I also cut out a bunch of hearts and wrote things I love about Roberto on them. Then I hid them all around. All week long, he will find these hearts stashed in different places and know what I love about him. Last night he found one and was so cute. He was looking for more of them. He looked like a little boy looking for Easter eggs. There are still about 5 more for him to find. I might hide some more, too, just so it lasts all week. He's so dang cute.
I have had a bladder infection and it's painful. Last night when I was running, it was all I could do to stay on the trampoline. We don't have insurance, nor do we have any money for me to go to the doctor, so I am enduring this until we have the funds. Friday morning I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself and Roberto held me. I bought cranberry juice and have been drinking that like crazy, but it's not going away. I am going to need antibiotics.
I sent out valentines to the boys. It's this time of year that I miss them. I used to make a huge dinner for the family and give everyone a valentine. I will miss that this year because the kids will be with their dad and Roberto has to work Saturday night AND Sunday night. But we both have Monday off, so maybe I can postpone our dinner until Monday night.
On Thursday, I turned 45 years old. Not too happy about that age. But I am happier and healthier than I have been in years. So I can be grateful for that.
We went to the Draper Temple open house and met Rachelle and her family there. That temple is huge and gorgeous. The kids were so good and so quiet. I was really impressed. Afterwards, we went to IKEA and looked around. We had lunch in their cafeteria. The day before, Rachelle and I had been joking on facebook that for my birthday, she would give me one of her meatballs from her lunch. So while we were eating, she took one of the meatballs off her plate that had a toothpick in it with the little tassles on it and gave it to me. We laughed about that. Roberto just kind of chuckles and shakes his head. I am wanting to get back into painting furniture, but this time selling it on etsy.com, so we were looking at possible painting projects for me. After IKEA, we met back up at our house in Springville. They beat us there and had time to chat with the kids before we arrived. Rachelle was laughing about how I want to paint everything. The kids laughingly told her that she should have seen our old house with the red, gold, and chalk board walls. I love color.
That morning, Roberto surprised me with an amethyst ring. It was very pretty. I love amethysts. He knows that, so he goes on his jewelry site and buys me amethysts. He likes tanzanites, so he also buys me those. I have never had more jewelry in my life. I am truly spoiled.
Over the weekend, I got a ton done. On Sunday, while Brett and Emeli played Monopoly, I cut out hearts. I also created a little Valentine wall upstairs. During the week, we are supposed to write things we love about each other on hearts and put them under each other's names. It's been cute to see what we write. I also cut out a bunch of hearts and wrote things I love about Roberto on them. Then I hid them all around. All week long, he will find these hearts stashed in different places and know what I love about him. Last night he found one and was so cute. He was looking for more of them. He looked like a little boy looking for Easter eggs. There are still about 5 more for him to find. I might hide some more, too, just so it lasts all week. He's so dang cute.
I have had a bladder infection and it's painful. Last night when I was running, it was all I could do to stay on the trampoline. We don't have insurance, nor do we have any money for me to go to the doctor, so I am enduring this until we have the funds. Friday morning I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself and Roberto held me. I bought cranberry juice and have been drinking that like crazy, but it's not going away. I am going to need antibiotics.
I sent out valentines to the boys. It's this time of year that I miss them. I used to make a huge dinner for the family and give everyone a valentine. I will miss that this year because the kids will be with their dad and Roberto has to work Saturday night AND Sunday night. But we both have Monday off, so maybe I can postpone our dinner until Monday night.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Gran Torino
We saw the movie "Gran Torino" with Clint Eastwood yesterday. His character reminded me of Dad so much! His build, his attitude, his hands, his hair, his sarcasm. I missed him so much after that movie, because I would have loved to have talked to him. We saw the movie with Rachelle and Jason. There was a man sitting below us who was all alone. Rachelle commented on that and I told her how dad would go to the movies alone on Sundays and tell us it was his church. Sometimes I miss Dad so much.
I remember going to the movies with him on a Sunday afternoon. He wouldn't just go to one movie. He would go to as many as three movies. If you went with him, he would buy you popcorn, a drink, candy and he would sneak in food from Smith's. He loved to get egg rolls, wrap them up in napkins and hide them in his coat pocket and eat them during the movie. He would order a huge Coke with "little ice" and he was in heaven. I just loved being with him. If there was a funny part in the movie, he would throw his head back and laugh out loud, loud enough for the whole entire theater to hear him. And, he would laugh longer than anyone else, too. Everyone was done laughing and he would still be laughing. I would nudge him with my elbow and he would laugh even harder because he knew I was telling him to be quiet. I would give anything to be able to sit in the movie theater and hear his laughter again! Whenever a black person would appear in the film, he would say, "Yeesss, massah!" in a ghetto accent. He would say it just loud enough for anyone around him to hear and we would turn to him and say, "DAD!!!" I was afraid that one day he would get beat up. He was such a brat.
His favorite thing to do was to order root beer and then complain because the establishment didn't have root beer. He would ask to speak to the manager and complain. If they gave him too much ice in his drink, he would complain about that. If we were in a restaurant and he thought the music was too loud, he would complain. I suspect that he would do all that just when we were around, just for show.
I miss walking into his video store in Alpine and him calling out, "Hey Jud!" or him saying, "That's my girl..." I used to love to talk to him on the phone. I could tell him anything and he wouldn't judge me. He wouldn't tell my mom, either. I remember telling him about a man that I had a crush on when I was married to Fred. I told Dad how unhappy I was with Fred. Dad got mad at me. He told me that I needed to leave that situation. I would ruin the best thing I had...my family. I would lose my kids. He knew how important my children were to me, that they were everything to me and he respected me as a mother. He often told me I was a good mother. I followed Dad's advise and got out of that job.
When I was first married to Fred, I called Dad crying. I told him I never see my husband, how unhappy I was about that. I expected him to feel sorry for me and side with me. Instead, he yelled at me. He told me to grow up. He told me that I got married and I had to live with that decision. I needed to support my husband and let him provide for me. I will never forget that. Dad would listen to me, but he always reserved the right to tell me when I was wrong. He wouldn't mince words, either.
Roberto is like that. I will whine to him about something and he will tell it like it is, too. I like that. I don't like it when people try and spare my feelings and tell me stupid stuff just to make me feel better. I have always been honest with myself and I appreciate it when people are honest with me as well.
I always felt safe with Dad. I knew he would protect me. I knew he would give me the shirt off his back. When he passed away, he waited until I could be there. He held on to the very last second until I came into the room. I held him in my arms as his spirit left his body. He waited for me and I will never forget that.
Towards the end of his life, I made a point of telling him I loved him when I spoke with him. One time I called and said, "Dad, remember that I love you." He had alzheimer's and forgot things all the time. He started to chant, " I remember. I remember." in a sing song voice that was pretty funny. But I knew that he was losing his mind and if he was in his right mind, he would NEVER do anything that silly.
I used to call him "old man" when I addressed him and he thought that was funny. I would say things like, "Listen, old man..." and he would laugh out loud. He loved it when we would banter and I would come back with something witty. I learned about sarcasm and witty repartee from him. He was awesome. I miss him a lot.
I remember going to the movies with him on a Sunday afternoon. He wouldn't just go to one movie. He would go to as many as three movies. If you went with him, he would buy you popcorn, a drink, candy and he would sneak in food from Smith's. He loved to get egg rolls, wrap them up in napkins and hide them in his coat pocket and eat them during the movie. He would order a huge Coke with "little ice" and he was in heaven. I just loved being with him. If there was a funny part in the movie, he would throw his head back and laugh out loud, loud enough for the whole entire theater to hear him. And, he would laugh longer than anyone else, too. Everyone was done laughing and he would still be laughing. I would nudge him with my elbow and he would laugh even harder because he knew I was telling him to be quiet. I would give anything to be able to sit in the movie theater and hear his laughter again! Whenever a black person would appear in the film, he would say, "Yeesss, massah!" in a ghetto accent. He would say it just loud enough for anyone around him to hear and we would turn to him and say, "DAD!!!" I was afraid that one day he would get beat up. He was such a brat.
His favorite thing to do was to order root beer and then complain because the establishment didn't have root beer. He would ask to speak to the manager and complain. If they gave him too much ice in his drink, he would complain about that. If we were in a restaurant and he thought the music was too loud, he would complain. I suspect that he would do all that just when we were around, just for show.
I miss walking into his video store in Alpine and him calling out, "Hey Jud!" or him saying, "That's my girl..." I used to love to talk to him on the phone. I could tell him anything and he wouldn't judge me. He wouldn't tell my mom, either. I remember telling him about a man that I had a crush on when I was married to Fred. I told Dad how unhappy I was with Fred. Dad got mad at me. He told me that I needed to leave that situation. I would ruin the best thing I had...my family. I would lose my kids. He knew how important my children were to me, that they were everything to me and he respected me as a mother. He often told me I was a good mother. I followed Dad's advise and got out of that job.
When I was first married to Fred, I called Dad crying. I told him I never see my husband, how unhappy I was about that. I expected him to feel sorry for me and side with me. Instead, he yelled at me. He told me to grow up. He told me that I got married and I had to live with that decision. I needed to support my husband and let him provide for me. I will never forget that. Dad would listen to me, but he always reserved the right to tell me when I was wrong. He wouldn't mince words, either.
Roberto is like that. I will whine to him about something and he will tell it like it is, too. I like that. I don't like it when people try and spare my feelings and tell me stupid stuff just to make me feel better. I have always been honest with myself and I appreciate it when people are honest with me as well.
I always felt safe with Dad. I knew he would protect me. I knew he would give me the shirt off his back. When he passed away, he waited until I could be there. He held on to the very last second until I came into the room. I held him in my arms as his spirit left his body. He waited for me and I will never forget that.
Towards the end of his life, I made a point of telling him I loved him when I spoke with him. One time I called and said, "Dad, remember that I love you." He had alzheimer's and forgot things all the time. He started to chant, " I remember. I remember." in a sing song voice that was pretty funny. But I knew that he was losing his mind and if he was in his right mind, he would NEVER do anything that silly.
I used to call him "old man" when I addressed him and he thought that was funny. I would say things like, "Listen, old man..." and he would laugh out loud. He loved it when we would banter and I would come back with something witty. I learned about sarcasm and witty repartee from him. He was awesome. I miss him a lot.
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