Wednesday

I don't have a lot to say, I guess. But I also feel like I need to let everyone know how we're doing.

Brett is cleaning his room right now. This morning we woke to him and Emeli bickering right outside our bedroom door. Brett had misplaced his key and he gets home from school before Emeli, so he wanted to borrow her key. Emeli is particularly careful with her key because it took her almost a year to get one. She had to prove she was responsible before Roberto would trust her with a key to the house. We live in the kind of neighborhood where we don't really trust our neighbors. So Emeli was very reluctant to let Brett have her key. After much banging and yelling, I finally got involved. I went out into the hallway and told Emeli she would let Brett use the key. She was ready to go head to head with me on it. I simply said in a very low growl, "Let him use the key or you are SO grounded." Emeli is very social with the girls in our neighborhood, so she knew grounding meant not playing outside after school. She let him use her key. Not only that, she recognized the low growl. About two or three nights a week, Brett cooks dinner. It's awesome. On the nights that Roberto doesn't cook dinner, Brett does. I will leave something out with instructions and Brett will do it. Tonight he made rolls. He makes awesome rolls with this recipe I have. We sit around the dinner sighing over how yummy they are.

Emeli is slimming down. Every day I look at her and see her develping hips and a shape. She is getting taller. We went to the Draper temple open house yesterday and she was wearing heels. Suddenly she looked like a young woman. I just kept staring at her while we were walking through the temple. I used to worry about her weight. I worried that she would get very heavy as a teenager and have issues from that. But she is becoming very pretty and mature looking. I'm mixed on my feelings about that. I love to see her blossoming, but I hate to see her grow up. My children are all growing up and going away! I don't like that.

I long for the days when they were little and all about me. I loved driving with them, running errands and talking and laughing and listening to music in the car. I loved dinner time with us all sitting around the table. I loved making dinner and hearing Taylor's music from the front room when the computer was in the front room. I loved hearing Taylor playing the guitar, hearing Freddy sifting through legos in his room, seeing the kids running in and out of the front and back yard. I loved hearing them on the trampoline in the summer. I miss those days of holding them and snuggling them when we watched movies. I remember Freddy saying, "Hold you me, Mom!" as he held his arms in the air. I remember Taylor sleeping in our bed, holding my hand as he fell asleep. I loved taking naps with Brett when I was pregnant with Emeli. I loved holding Emeli every night as I fed her her bottle and gently put her down in her crib. I miss those times. I just wish I had appreciated them more. I was always in such a rush and always trying to get things done so I didn't really sit and enjoy the moment.

Now my life is totally different. I work all day. I come home and I have missed the afternoon with the kids. I don't get to greet them when they come home. But I also know they are okay. If I had to rush home, I have the kind of boss who would let me go at a moment's notice for my kids. That's a good thing. I am very blessed in that respect. And, I am a six minute drive away.

Tonight I was leaving work and Heather said, "Come in and sit down in Rick's office and talk with us." I said,"No, I have kids home alone tonight so I need get home." Rick nodded because he understood but he also said, "No, that's the time you go shopping at the mall!" I don't like to stay at work any longer than I need to. I have a wonderful family to get home to. I like to be home with them. I miss them. I enjoy the joking and the fun of getting dinner ready. I especially love it when Roberto cooks. He is a good cook and he is very possessive of the kitchen when he cooks. He won't let me help him. I am only allowed to make a vegetable or set the table. He's so funny. Brett will stand by and talk with us. I know he likes to be with us. He really enjoys Roberto's sense of humor, too. The two of them will tease me the whole time. I love those moments. We are very happy here.