So today we were talking about the urinary system...ew. I did not know that a person who needs to be on dialysis cannot pee. They literally cannot pee and they have to limit their intake of fluids. Most of us are always told to drink, drink, drink!! But people on dialysis are not allowed to eat foods that contain too much fluid: soup, watermelon (tragic!!), in fact most fruits, etc. I would be so depressed. Life without watermelon is not worth living.
On Friday, I was doing my workbook and it happened to have an illustration of a penis and all the internal urinary organs. Emeli walked by and saw it. She said, "Mom! What is that?"
I said, "What do you think it is?"
Emeli said, "Ew!" and then she quietly asked me, "Do all boys have those things?" She was referring to the testicles. I told her that they do. I know her mind was reeling as she was thinking about all the boys she has a crush on at school and picturing them with those, too. I had to laugh. Of course, I waited until she was out of the room.
On Saturday, we went all over half of Utah doing all the random things Robby has to do for his job. Emeli was patient because she knew we were going to go out for dinner and to Sam's Club. She also brings along her ipod and listens to her music. Every once in a while we have deep discussions and then she escapes back into her ipod world. I love having Emeli here. After not having her around, I appreciate the precious time I have with her. The summer when she was gone, I missed her so much and worried about her so much. I have come to realize we have to appreciate the precious time we have with our children because it is over way too fast.
I used to love being with my boys. I would love just chatting with them when we were driving in the car. But it wasn't until I was completely childless that I realized how much I miss their company, their thoughts and the laughter we shared.
Every once in a while I will hear a song that reminds me of the boys. Whenever I hear Smashing Pumpkins, I immediately remember Taylor sitting at the computer in the front room blasting his music. Music always makes me think of Taylor. When I hear "Fade into You", I think of Freddy because once he told me that when he misses me, he cranks that song. Another favorite of Freddy's is "Play Me" by Neil Diamond. There are songs that Brett used to play for me and I would complain about them, but now I love them because they remind me of him. It was kind of that way with Dad.
He used to blast his old-time country music from the 30's that was border line blue grass. He would have the windows wide open and you could hear his music from two houses away. I was completely mortified; however, now I listen to those songs on my ipod, cranked, and I smile as I sing along. Of course, I know all the words. There are certain songs that especially remind me of him. Anything by Sinatra will take me right back to my childhood, driving in the car on Sundays looking at open houses and being dragged along. Lori and I used to beg Dad to play Dean Martin singing, "Dream a Little Dream of Me". On Sundays, Dad would play Tennessee Ernie Ford singing old time gospel songs like, "Rock of Ages", "Onward Christian Soldiers" and "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". We played that album at his viewing for his funeral. That was surreal.
Lately I have been painting. It is the best therapy for me. I was feeling kind of blue last week. I guess I was a little burnt out. Painting releases all of that. Robby understands that. He totally supports it. I tell him that I need to create and he gives me space. He lets me buy supplies (when we have the money, of course) and he always tells me how beautiful my stuff is. He actually cares to look at it and admire it. He even gives creative feedback. I will get totally immersed in painting, the whole house will get messy, and I will just sit there with my music blaring while I paint. He will come and check on me, check what I'm making and then go back to what he was doing. I love how we can just hang out like that.
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