Wow...

So I found an old childhood friend of mine on facebook last night. That was kind of depressing. She was always an over achiever, but I had no idea how much until I found out what she is doing right now. She is an attorney who consults for Court TV and CNN, plus she is now working as a broadcast journalist for KTLA. She's gorgeous and always was. So for me to look at her life and to look at mine was kind of sad. I was joking with a co-worker that my job is a loser job compared to hers. But then I think about what my priorities were when I was in my 20's and 30's and that was my children. I would not have wanted to work out of the home. Raising my kids was everything to me. I don't know how women work full time and raise young children. It's hard enough to raise Emeli, who is 11, and work out of the home. It kills me to be away from home when she gets home from school. She watches a lot of TV and doesn't interact with many friends because I am not home to drive her there or pick up her friends with her. That saddens me a lot. I'm a totally different mom for her than I was for my boys.

I showed her picture to Roberto and asked him if she thought she was pretty. He said no. He said she looks like all the other New Zealanders he knew in Holland and her looks don't do anything for him. He likes women with paler skin, which would be me. I am pale. At least that made me happy...

I get so frustrated with my ex. I could write pages about him on a blog, but it would be a waste of time. So I just grind my teeth in frustration and simmer a lot. It was always all about him and it hasn't changed. If he wants the kids, he wants the kids and then he will call Emeli and beg her to come visit. Emeli feels guilty and then she bugs me. I get so sick of dealing with him. I look forward to the day when Emeli turns 18 and I don't have to deal with him and custody any more.

Last night I went to Emeli's parent teacher conference. That was fun. I liked her two teachers. They are funny women and Emeli loves them. I know it's because one of them reminds her of me. Emeli had opted out of reading a book the class was reading. Don't ask me why they allowed that. In my day, they would have told me to get over it and to keep reading. But they told her she had the choice, but she would also have consequences for her choice. That consequence was to get a bad grade in her reading. Of course, I didn't hear about any of this from her. They wrote on her report card how she chose not to read this book. I read that out loud, with Emeli sitting beside me, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see her start to slouch in her seat. I turned to her and said, "You didn't want to read the book?" and she shook her head. Then I said, "Oh really?" Then the teacher told me she gave the book 11 pages and then decided she didn't like it. I asked Emeli to go get the book. The teacher stood up and went to get it. I said, "Emeli can get it." She told me the book had been put away; otherwise, she would have let Emeli get it. I asked the teacher for two copies. I said, "We are BOTH going to read this book." and I gave Emeli a crusty. The teachers offered to change her grade if she read the book. I told them I don't care if she still has the bad grade. I care that she read the book. I asked them what she needed to do to show she read the book and they said she needed to write a report. I told them it would be done. Meanwhile, Emeli is kind of sitting in her seat with a resigned look on her face. I had to chuckle inside because I knew she was not happy about that.

The rest of her grades were good. I was really proud of her math grades because I stink at math. I have always struggled with math and Emeli got really good grades there. So I told her that this weekend I will be taking her for a girlie day to celebrate her grades. She was happy with that. We went to the grocery store across the street after the conference. They had all this Valentine stuff. I LOVE Valentine's day. It is my favorite holiday of all. I just love the whole idea of Valentine's Day and the colors and the hearts. I'm just a sap! We got a banner that reads "Happy Valentine's Day" and hung it in the stairwell. It was only 60 cents! I'm tempted to get one for work.

Right now I am alone in the office with Bill. Bill makes me sick. Bill is 60 years old, psycho and gross. He is hugely overweight, breathes heavily whenever he walks more than twenty feet and has made a couple of inappropriate comments towards me, which totally grossed me out. He lives alone with his two cats and has told us a little too much about them. To listen to him speak is enough to drive me crazy. He is the most passive aggressive person I have met, since my ex. Everything is spun to make him look like a victim. They way he speaks is always that way. It's like talking to Eeyore. To listen to him speak to my boss is the most excruciating thing. My boss has no tolerance for Bill and Bill obviously despises my boss. When they talk to each other, I want to leave the room and come back when they are done. They talk circles around each other with Bill saying things like, "I know that's the right thing to do, but..." and I just roll my eyes. He just stepped out of the office, so I'm relieved...