May 4, 2011

Today "Born to Be Wild" was playing on my iPod. It brought back a memory that I wanted to share.

In 2007, times were hard and I wasn't making it financially. I knew I had to move to Utah. I cried for days before and after making that decision; however, I knew it was the right thing to do. My job was not a good fit, I had been seeing a man who hurt me, and the church was paying my rent, my utilities and giving me food. It was time to get out.

I had to leave Freddy and Taylor in WA. Taylor was going to try to go to school and get a job in Bellingham so he could be closer to Emma. Freddy was bound and determined to finish school and wouldn't move with us. Leaving two of my children behind was the hardest thing I have ever done. I wasn't as worried about Taylor because he had Emma and he seemed happy to move on with his life. I was really worried about Freddy because he was moving in with the Hodsons and I wasn't sure how that would work. Not only that, Freddy had always been a homebody and really liked being with family. I knew it was going to be very hard for him.

The day we left Redmond, it was raining, which seemed fitting. I was emotional and was hesitant to leave Freddy. As we drove away in the truck, it was just Emeli and I because Brett was in the car with Mom. I was driving down the street for the last time and Freddy was standing in the street waving to us. Emeli and I sobbed as we drove away. I knew I was doing the right thing, but it was excruciating. As Emeli and I were driving around Lake Sammamish, we were still bawling. I told Emeli we needed to stop crying and look on the bright side. This was an adventure we were embarking on and we needed to cheer up and see the excitement in that. I was speaking more to me than to Emeli, of course. I put "Born to Be Wild" on my iPod and we sang along at the top of our lungs.

All of that flashed through my mind as that song played on my iPod today. As I look back at that time, I still know that leaving WA was the best thing. It was hard, but it was right.