Buddy

Today, as Heather and I were walking back to the office from the cafeteria at work, I saw a big, black dog. From a distance it totally looked like Buddy. I immediately called out to the dog. Heather laughed at me when she heard my "dog voice". Of course the dog came up to me, tongue lolling about in her mouth, excited to see me as if we were long lost friends. She was a huge black lab mix. She had a patch of white spotted fur at her throat and a long, shaggy tail. I think she is a lab, husky, mastiff mix. She had very wide hips and shoulders and a square face like a mastiff. She was sweet. She had a red ribbon around her neck. I pet her and cooed to her. Heather and I decided right there that we would bring her up into the office for a little bit. Our boss hadn't arrived yet, so we thought we would surprise him. We often do things like that and I know he just shakes his head at our antics. But I also know he secretly loves how playful we are. We brought the dog upstairs and into the office. She came back to our desks and sat there. We fed her food from the food stashes we have in our desks and she loved that, of course. We took pictures of ourselves with her. She smelled just like Buddy and it was bittersweet to smell her and pet her. It brought back memories of Buddy. It was also weird to see a dog that looked so much like Buddy, yet acted differently than Buddy.

Buddy was my dog from the moment he stepped into our house. He followed me around, slept next to me wherever I was in the house and completely idolized me. He was like my fifth child. We had a bond that was like nothing I had ever felt for an animal. When he came to us, his name was Kai. I thought that was a stupid name. So I called him Buddy because he was literally my buddy. He would come in the car with me whenever I ran errands, unless it was the middle of the summer and too hot to leave him in the car. He would see me getting ready to leave and he would sit at attention in the front room, waiting to be invited. I would say, "Okay, come on..." and he would leap up and run to the front door. If anyone was foolish enough to be standing at the front door, they would get mowed down. Many times Emeli got thrown to the ground because she was standing next to me, getting ready to leave. When I ran a paper route in the middle of the night for a year, he came with me every single time. He would curl up on the back seat and sleep. I always felt safe knowing I had Buddy in the car. I know he never would have really protected me, but I still didn't feel so alone in the middle of the night in the dark. I painted many of the walls in our home and he would sit right next to me when I did that. Invariably, he would have a spot of the paint on his back from wedging himself so close to me. He would lie on my bed at nights and snuggle me. He would lie against my body and lay his head over my arm and snore. When he lay himself down, he always groaned as he kind of threw himself down. It was hilarious.

When someone came to the door, he would stand guard next to me. We often had door-to-door solicitors. If they were men, he would not leave my side. He could look quite intimidating.

He loved to grab a stuffed animal and just mouth it. I would give him an old stuffed animal that no one cared about and call it his baby. If he was lying on the floor, I would call out, "Buddy, where is your baby?" and he knew exactly what I was saying. He would get up and look around until he found the stuffed animal, grab it and lie back down with it in his mouth. Then he would lie there and mouth it. He used to love to jump up into my lap when I was on the couch and lay his head against my chest and nuzzle me. I would say, "Give me kisses..." and he would lick my neck. When I was cooking dinner, he would lie down between the dining room and the kitchen just waiting for me to call everyone to dinner so he could lurk under the table and catch crumbs. If the kids and I started to dance in the kitchen to my music, while I was cooking, he would join in. He would jump around and step in between the kids and I as if he was dancing too. I would pick up his front legs and we would dance. Or I would clap my hands and he would leap up and down.

He loved my cooking...well, he was a dog, of course he liked human food. Once when I was teaching piano lessons, he came walking past the piano and plopped himself down on the floor. I looked over at him and noticed that he had a full banana bread loaf in his mouth. I had just made banana bread and he had helped himself to one of the loaves cooling on the counter. Another time I left an unfinished casserole on the counter so I could run the boys to scouts. I came home to find that casserole dish broken on the floor and completely licked clean.

When I left my husband, I moved to a house that did not permit dogs. I left him with my ex. My ex was never home and Buddy was neglected. I finally took Buddy in to stay with me until my ex could get his stuff together. He was going to take Buddy to Idaho with him to his new wife and her girls. That hurt, but I also knew that I couldn't support Buddy. One day, Buddy got out. He was famous for escaping. He had a name tag on his collar that read, "Buddy Kesler, escape artist" with our phone number on it. Fred's phone had been shut off, so when Buddy got out, no one could call that number to let us know where Buddy was. I never saw Buddy again. At the time, there was a lot of drama going on in my life and this was just one more thing. I closed my mind to it. I pushed it back to deal with later. I had to comfort myself with knowing that he either was taken to the pound and found a new home or he was put to sleep. Either way, I knew he was happy.

When I die, I hope to see Buddy and be with him again. I don't think I will ever love a dog like I loved Buddy. My memories of him are all happy ones and I am grateful for the time I had with him. I will never forget him.