Blah...

Once a month, in fact, every 28 days to be exact, I go through a metamorphosis. It's enough to drive everyone in the family crazy, especially me. I feel like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. For 25 days, I am normal, even keeled Dr. Jekyl, but then three days out of the month, I turn into Mr. Hyde and people run for cover. This weekend was one of those times. I can usually feel it coming on a day before. It's like someone has peeled back my skin and exposed every nerve ending. Loud noises make me jumpy, people irritate me easily and I just want to bite someone. I usually alert Roberto by saying, "I want to bite someone real bad..."and he ALWAYS says, "Don't bite me. I bite back." True. He does.

My moods used to scare my ex. They don't scare Roberto. He either avoids me or he snaps right back. That's something I have never experienced. Usually people run for cover. Not Roberto. He also points out the flaws in my logic. There are always flaws in my logic. I'm not thinking straight and it's obvious. Everything bothers me. Everything hurts my feelings. I appreciate that Roberto will stand up to me. Few people do when I am like this.

The thing that pisses me off the most is that a whole weekend was wasted. I spent a lot of the time in bed, avoiding people. I did have a good practice session on the piano, which always helps clear my head. I sit at the piano and my thoughts start to flow and I can put things in perspective. I mopped the kitchen floor, did all my laundry, vacuumed and tidied the house. All that adrenalin coursing through me put to good use.

I went to WalMart and found myself scowling the entire time. I was alone, which is a good thing, because no one would have found my company very pleasant. The worst thing is that pretty soon I'm so grumpy that everyone around me becomes grumpy and then I start to get more irritated. It's like a chain reaction.

Probably the one who is affected by it the worst is Emeli. She gets ignored for a while and watches a lot of TV. Not only that, she starts to get whiney because she is bored and wanting my company (which, if she were smart, she would figure isn't always a good thing at the time). Her whininess sets me off and the two of us start fighting. Whew! When the two of us fight, that's not good. Not only that, I suspect that she gets a little emotional when I do because that's the nature of women who live together. She may not be going through a cycle, but she has cycles. Hers always match mine. I know it will only get better...

Brett usually will ask me what's wrong. I will tell him and then that's the last I hear of him until my cycle is over. Smart boy. He's one of the "run for cover" types. It's safe and he doesn't get hurt that way.

Not only am I battling my cycle, the weather for the whole weekend has been Seattle type weather. Overcast, rainy and cold. That kind of weather used to bother me in Seattle and it is bothering me still. In our last house, if it started raining, I knew we would have leaky places in the house. Our roof was in desperate need of repair and our landlord was very slow to fix things. So when I hear rain, my first reaction is always to worry; then I realize I am in a nice, leak-proof house and I settle down. Listening to the rain at night is soothing when I know it's not leaking in my bedroom, my kitchen or my front room somewhere. Plus, it's melting the snow.

I gazed out the window for a good half hour tonight, just analyzing my thoughts, the weekend and how I feel about things. I am always glad when I can go back to being calm Dr. Jekyl again. Dr. Jekyl usually has damage control to take care of after Mr. Hyde has been let loose for two or three days.

Wow...it really sucks to be a woman sometimes.