On Friday night, we went to a BYU game. That was a lot of fun. We sat right by the canons. Each time BYU scored, they pulled the cord on the canon. It was pretty loud and each time it made me jump. We went with John Mason and his daughter, Bella. It was pretty exciting to sit so close to the field. Robby surprised me with cotton candy. That was really nice.

On Saturday we slept in and listened to both conference sessions. I enjoyed them a lot. It's getting colder and we haven't turned out heat on, so we just lay in bed to keep warm and listened on the radio. We don't have TV and it wasn't working on the computer, so we listened the old fashioned way.

Between the sessions, there was a radio program about a man who was a very gifted composer. He grew up in Southern Utah and studied the violin. He arranged many of the hymns that the Tabernacle Choir sings. He wrote an oratorio on The Book of Mormon. It gave me the idea that I really need to support Brett's interest in music. He has been thinking about pursuing his music. I am going to try and get him a piano teacher who can teach him what I can't. He is too advanced for me. I can suggest songs and I can critique his playing, but I can't really teach him much theory.

After the sessions, we went to BYU and looked at the genealogy library they have there. Robby is a hug genealogy enthusiast. He has gone back to the 1400's in his search.

On Sunday, Brett and Freddy came by to visit. We fed them lunch and then listened to the sessions again while they watched a movie. We dropped them off at their dad's house and headed up to SLC to meet Rachelle and her friend, Celeste. It was pouring. We got to see them for about twenty minutes.

After a weekend like that, it's hard to go to work on Monday. It's not like we did a whole bunch of things, but it was so relaxing. I love weekends like that.

FRIDAY

I am all alone in the office and I love it when that happens! So I am typing in my blog. When I type this fast, most people know I am NOT working, so no one is here to find out.

On Wednesday night, I had book club. I also had to be at Emeli's soccer game. I left her game early. I parked my car in the garage and did the whole push the garage door button and run under the closing door thingee. I was walking to Andrea's house to catch a ride to book club. As I was walking across the driveway, I saw a tarantula walking across the street towards our house in a kind of diagonal fashion. For about two seconds, I stood frozen and started to whine. Then I called Brett. I told him to hurry and get out here. He came running because I hadn't told him what it was about. When he saw the tarantula, his eyes lit up and he smiled this huge smile.
I said, "Okay, I want you to do something for me..."
He turned to me and said, "I will not kill it."
I told him that I wanted him to catch it for me so I could take it to work the next day for Heather. I knew she would LOVE it. So Brett got a container we had and caught the tarantula. The tarantula was not happy about it. He kept raising up on his front legs.

I kept it in the container, in the bed of the truck until the next day when I gave it to Heather. She immediately named it Steve. Funny!

Robby had never seen how freaked out I can be about huge spiders until the night before when we went for our walk and walked under a huge, orange spider that had built a web right above our front porch. I had a mini meltdown. I wouldn't walk back into the house under the web. I literally walked to the side of the porch and went in that way. I think that finally sunk in with him. He was so cute. I was lying in his arms kind of whining about how scary it was and he quietly said, "Tomorrow I will go out and kill it for you." Sure enough, the next day he went out with the broom, tore down the huge web and crushed the spider up in the rafters above the porch. It was a huge spider with a butt the size of a nickel.

I told him I can handle spiders until they get bigger than a quarter and then I freak. If they come in my house, they die. It's that simple. I was explaining to Robby that I don't go tromping around in their webs, so they are not allowed in my house. If I went into THEIR web, they would try to kill ME, so the same thing applies here.

Now when I walk out of my house, I scan the horizon for approaching tarantulas before I head out walking somewhere. I have been told they are all over the place right now and I don't want any more surprises!!

September 21

I have not blogged in way too long.

Last week I took three days off work so I could hang out with Taylor and Emma. It was wonderful. It was also very hard to get back to work again. Thank goodness I had a weekend to adjust and now I am back in the swing of things.

Taylor and Emma are very cute together. I adore Emma and so does Robby. I think Taylor is very lucky. Emeli told me that when she walked up to the house on Friday and didn't see Taylor's car, she started to cry. She hates it when her siblings are separated by states like they are. I told her that she is lucky to have a wonderful "sister" in Emma. They will always be good friends and she is blessed to have her. Emeli agreed.

On Saturday, Robby and I went to the zoo. That was a mixed experience. It was so crowded because they have a baby elephant and it was the second Saturday she was on display. There were several groups of obnoxious teenagers. I don't mind teenagers when they get a little silly, but these were rude. At the black bear exhibit, one kid yelled out, "I wish I had my bow and arrow." I wanted to yell back and say, "Yeah, let's see how tough you are with that bow and arrow if you're standing face to face with the bear." Jerk. At the orangutans, another kid was throwing ice chips at the orangutan. I was livid. Then his twit girlfriend reached into her mouth and said, "I should throw my gum in there." I turned to her and said, "Do NOT throw your gum in there!" she looked at me with surprise and said, "It's not like it would kill him or anything." I wanted to slap her. I said, in a very quiet, slow voice (the one that my kids are very familiar with--it's the one that means I'm going to beat you in a second)"Yes, it will." After that, I turned and stalked off. I knew that if I stood there for another second, I would toss them both over the wall in with the animal. Meanwhile, Robby was seething as well. He is not a man who swears, but as we walked away, he was muttering things like, "If you throw that gum in there, I will kick your ass and toss you in after the gum..." The two of us found a zoo worker and reported them...that's the best revenge. Sadly, she told us that happens a lot.

Brett came home that night. I had baked caramel rolls. He walked in, took a huge sniff in the air and walked right into the kitchen and dug into the rolls.

Twenty minutes later, Emeli called me and wanted me to pick her up. I refused for a couple of reasons. 1) I was in my pajamas and in bed and 2) if I pick her up every time she wants rescuing, her dad will accuse me of stealing the kids away from him on his weekend. If she wants to come home, she has to get him to do it. Twenty minutes later, Emeli was home. Her dad told her that it is my goal to keep them away from him. Whatever. On Sunday, I took her back to his house...drama.

We found a free desk on Craigslist and picked it up. Robby didn't like it, so Brett claimed it. He rearranged his room and was using it last night. It looks really nice in there.

Tonight for FHE, we are going to the Bean Museum and then to the BYU Creamery for ice cream. That will be nice. I will take pictures and put them on Facebook.

Today

So today was an interesting day. It's a Wednesday, so there are only two more days to the week and then it's the weekend again. I live for the weekend!!!!

The kids and I went to Mom's for dinner tonight. When I got there, Mom had me go into Grandma's room and look at her. Not a good sight. She was on the edge of her bed, hand extended and she was talking to some imaginary person. This person was handing her something and she was taking it. She was muttering about how it was time for them to leave. We walked her to her seat and she kept saying she would NOT eat until all the people left. Then she got mad at us for eating when there were still people in the house. Okay...I DO NOT want to live to be 99 years old. Eighty-five is plenty. Even then, if I'm not in good health, I don't want to live that long!

Today at work we celebrated Lacey's birthday with chocolate cake and ice cream. I was sick afterwards. My boss piled two huge scoops of ice cream in my bowl. Then he said, "Don't worry. Roberto won't mind if you have two scoops." I said, "I mind." If I want to eat ice cream, I will eat ice cream. But I choose NOT to eat ice cream because it's so dang fattening and I do not EVER want to be as heavy as I once was. So when we went to Mom's, I only had some salad and green beans. I was still full from the stupid cake and ice cream. Tonight Robby and I will walk. He doesn't like to walk fast or far, so I always have to kind of sneak in a long walk. Plus, he insists on holding hands while we walk or putting his arm around my shoulder with me holding his hand. That does not allow me to walk fast and that's probably part of his plan...haha! It's so nice to walk with him, though. Several people in the ward have commented to me about how cute they think it is that we walk all the time. I know it helps Robby let off some steam from work. His job sucks and walking helps him get all that out of his system.

I'm glad that the kids are home and we are back to normal again. When Brett walked into the house on Sunday afternoon, he stopped in the front room, looked around and let out a huge sigh. It was cute. Emeli is glad to be away from her step-mother and step-sisters. There is a whole lot of drama in that house. Cozette likes to blame Emeli for a lot of things and Emeli allows it and will take the blame for things that aren't even her fault. I told her tonight that if it continues, I will have to talk to Cozette. I also told her that it would be much better if Emeli stuck up for herself than if I get involved. If I get involved, it might result in bloodshed. I am not afraid of Cozette and I will tell her exactly how I feel about this. I refuse to allow her to break Emeli's spirit. I will not tolerate that.

I'm tired tonight. I slept well last night, but it was late. Robby had a very hard day at work and didn't get home until 8pm. By the time we walked, he unwound on the computer, and we read scriptures, it was late. Then when the lights went out, he needed to talk about his day at work. I lay there trying to keep my eyes open, but they were burning. Occasionally, I could feel myself dropping off and he would ask if I was still awake and I would jolt awake and lie, "Yes!" At a little after midnight he could tell I was doing everything I could to stay awake. He asked me if I was tired and I said, "A little" and he knew I was lying. He said he would stop talking. I felt so bad, but I couldn't help it! He woke up tired because he had so much on his mind he couldn't get to sleep. He lays there with a million things going through his head. If I fall asleep before him, it can take him up to two or three hours to finally fall asleep. Poor guy.

Today was the first day of school for Brett and Emeli. They ride the bus together to and from school. They are out the door by 7:05am. That allows me to get to work early and get home early. I love that. I get into work at 8am and leave at 4:30pm. Perfect!!

July 28, 2009

I am very happy to have the kids home again. It's always nice when it's just Robby and I, but after not seeing Brett for a month, I really was glad to pick him up at the airport and see him again.

Brett arrived home on Thursday night and Emeli arrived on Friday. I had been planning to make bobotti and show off a new South African dinner I had learned to make. I finally made it on Saturday afternoon. The kids liked it a lot.

On Saturday, we took Emeli and her friend, Bella, to the Oquirrh temple open house. That was really nice. I like the Draper temple better, though. Robby and I both thought the Oquirrh temple looked a lot like a hotel inside. You stand in the main lobby and there are all these banisters and railings. You feel like you are in a hotel lobby. It was pretty, but not as pretty as the Draper temple.

I would like Sundays better if I didn't have to go back to work on Monday. I am starting to find some friends in the ward, so now I enjoy church more. Robby teaches Sunday school to the 14 year olds and he's really cute. He always wears black slacks and always gets chalk marks on himself. He likes to stand in front of the class. I prefer to sit when I teach. He teases the kids and tells them stories of when he was a kid in South Africa. Because he doesn't have a teaching companion (a must), I sit in his class as the second person. On Sunday, I had forgotten to bring my scriptures. One of the boys had forgotten his scriptures and had gone to the library to get a couple sets. He gave me one. Of course, Robby had to make a comment about that. He called me Mrs. Library because that's what was written on the side of the scriptures...brat. haha!!

Emeli was thrilled to go to church because it was her first day in Young Women's. They spoiled her. They gave her a little baggie of treats, a frame with her name in it. They had taken each letter in her name and had listed a trait she had. I was so impressed by that. She also got her Personal Progress book. She was so cute. She wore the outfit I had bought her for her birthday and she looked just like a little Beehive. I was so proud of her. The choir director was talking to me in Relief Society and said, "Emeli is looking so old!" I told her that the second Emeli put her make up on, I regretted letting her put make up on at twelve years old. I wanted to change the rule to sixteen. She asked me if I really did that and I said there was NO way I would be allowed to get away with that!!

Yesterday was the first day for me to go back to work with the kids home alone together. I called to check on them. Brett was down in the basement sewing. He was designing a shirt for Emeli to wear from a plaid shirt he doesn't wear anymore. When I came home, she was modeling it for me. It was really good. Brett had taken a pair of jeans he doesn't wear anymore because they have a huge hole in the butt. He turned the pants into a school bag. He was down in the basement sewing up a storm all weekend. Robby and I would play darts while he sewed and commented on our game.

When they were gone, I would get so lonely at nights when Robby was working late. I would just sit and do my needlework and play my music really loud. I probably pestered Robby with all the texts I would send him. I really missed the kids' company.

By Sunday evening, I was kind of wishing it was just Robby and I again. Brett and Emeli were goofing around in the stairwell throwing a ball at each other. Whenever they goof around, Emeli ALWAYS gets hurt!!! I was just waiting for that. We told them to take their game outside. They did. I can tell they missed each other as well.

My favorite time is when we all sit down to dinner and talk. Brett likes to say something rude to me in German that only Robby can understand and then Robby will add his little piece to it. Dorks! It's very nice to have them home. I have really missed them. I would stay late at work because there was nothing to go home to. Robby would be at work and I would just be alone. Now I have a reason to leave work again.

My children

I'm sitting here alone, thinking about things as I stitch. I love stitching because it helps clear my head. It requires perfection or you have to tear the whole thing out. I like that. I am not usually a detail oriented person, but in needlework, you have to be, and to me, that is very therapeutic. It soothes me.

So I'm sitting here thinking about my children.

I know Taylor reads this blog and I want him to read this...

As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Taylor, I was scared out of my mind. I wasn't worried about having a child to raise. I had always known I wanted to be a mom. I was terrified of the pain. They had shown so many movies in high school about women having babies, that I was pretty converted to the idea of abstinence (which was their goal).

Before Taylor was born, I had thought I would work still. I would drop him off at a babysitter and work. I was pretty sure that's what I would do.

The moment Taylor came out, I knew I would never leave him with anyone. He was my child and I would raise him. I was in love instantly. He was a beautiful ten pound baby with an olive complexion and little slanted eyes. He looked like a little Indian baby. I had a C-Section, so I was in the hospital for three days. It was a total love fest. I held him as much as I could. When we left the hospital, people were telling me I was going to spoil him from holding him so much, but I didn't listen. I didn't care. I had done a lot of research and I had learned that you can't spoil a newborn. They need to know their little world is safe and that they are cherished and cherish is what I did. My sisters would get very upset with me because I would not let them hold him. My dad finally had to get after me. I will never forget how he said to me, "Judi, he is NOT the Christ child. Let your sisters hold your baby!" To me, he was the Christ child.

Taylor had a very sweet, obedient nature. He was a sponge. I would talk to him and he would just eat it up. He loved to be held and pet. I used to call him my "petting boy" because he loved to have me stroke his back and rub lotion all over his little body. Taylor was also a very sober child when he was little. It's like he knew the purpose of life even at a very young age. There were a few close calls for him. He was spared each time and I know it's because he has something to accomplish. He is meant for greatness. I have always known that.

I am excessively proud of Taylor and always have been. He has always had an inner confidence like he knows who he is and that God expects great things of him. I know he's right. I loved nothing more than having Taylor at home, on the computer in the front room listening to his music or showing me a new band he had discovered. I loved going into his room and listening to new songs or new previews for movies. I loved having his friends over and listening to them laugh and talk. I loved hearing him play his guitar at nights, even though I would tell him to stop at 10pm. I miss that a lot. Sometimes just the memories of that tug at my heart strings and I get misty eyed.

I love Freddy. Freddy had such a peaceful spirit when I was pregnant with him. I could feel it. He was such a sweet baby. He came at a very difficult time in my life. I was going through a lot of emotional upheaval. He was my easiest baby. That was a blessing.

Freddy had these huge, brown eyes that could melt anyone's heart. Those eyes hid the mischievous little spirit that dwells inside. Freddy may have looked sweet, but he was a devil child when he was younger. No child has tested my patience like Freddy, yet I love Freddy more than life itself.

Because Freddy has gone through a lot, he has empathy for others. He reminds me of my dad in that respect. He always cheers for the underdog and I love that about him. When I was going through the roughest time in my life, Freddy was there for me and I will never forget that.

Brett was a joy to raise. Brett was my little buddy when he was very young. He was an adorable baby. When he was eleven months old, I prayed to God that Brett would never grow up, but that he would stay this precious the rest of his life. Of course, that prayer went unanswered.

When I was pregnant with Emeli, Brett and I would "take a snooze" every day. He loved to be on a schedule and would ask me when we could take our nap if I was behind schedule. We would climb into bed together and he would throw his leg over my hip and we would sleep that way. It was so sweet.

Brett is very intelligent. I am amazed at how easily he takes tests and how easily he can pull his grades up. He remembers facts. He has a very compassionate side. He is very good with Emeli. The two of them are hilarious together at times.

Emeli was a very pleasant surprise. I thought I was done. I had three boys and I was good with that. I was told she would probably be a girl, but I didn't want to get my hopes up.

When she was born, they yelled out, "It's a girl!" and I started to cry and sob for joy. The nurses all made fun of me for crying when I was happy. But I was ecstatic.

I had no idea how wonderful it would be to have a daughter. Boys are great, but girls are awesome. I had someone who thought like me. She liked girlie things just like me. She has a sweet, compassionate nature. She is accepting of me and is easy to be around.

As she is maturing, I see a young woman who will be a great mother, friend and nurturer to the world. Children are naturally attracted to her tenderness. She has a beautiful spirit. She loves people and animals.

She is artistic, musical, smart, sassy and a lot of fun.

I love my children. I have always taken parenting very seriously. I knew who gave me these little spirits to raise and I know who I am accountable to when I die and report back. I will have to explain what I did with my children and how I raised them. When I would get mad or yell or spank the kids too much, I always felt a set of eyes watching me and I knew when those eyes were not pleased with my behavior.

I feel so grateful and blessed to be a mother. I am grateful for the four children I was blessed to raise. To me, the best thing I could ever be called is Mother. I have always been proud to be a mother. I would not trade that gift for anything in the world. I adore my children and hope they never doubt that.

July 3, 2009

I haven't blogged in a while. Mostly it's because life has been very stressful and when it gets stressful, I don't like to blog. I find myself just vomiting negative feelings and that's no fun for anyone to read.

Last Sunday Rachelle and her family came to visit. They stayed overnight and went to the Provo airport to the airshow on Monday. It was a nice day. We had set up a dart board in the basement. I had gotten Robby the dart board for Father's Day. He is very good at darts and always beats me! He has really good aim. I just kind of shoot from the hip. It was a relaxing visit and I enjoyed it thoroughly. While I was in the kitchen getting things ready for dinner, D'Jayden and Zoe kept climbing on the step ladder I have right by my sink. They would stand there and play in the bubbles of my dish water or just play with the tap. It reminded me of my kids. It was cute. I wished they lived closer. I would have them over to visit more often.

The last two weeks of work have been pretty busy. But I like it that way. When there is nothing to do, I go crazy. Yesterday was a pretty crazy day. It seemed like every time I turned around, there was another PO arriving in the fax. My job is to process those PO's. And of course, every PO that came had issues.

Heather and I play darts every day at work. One day we decided that whoever lost at darts would have to ask Bill about his cats. Bill is a whole other blog. Short version: Bill is fat, gross, has said some pretty creepy things to me, smells and if you get him talking about his cats, he could go on and on. I lost that game. Of course, everyone in the office thought that was hilarious, except Bill because he didn't know that he was part of the consequence. So I just casually asked him about his cats when I asked him about the phone calls he was making. I document his phone calls, so it's natural for me to ask him about his phone calls. He has a picture frame next to his monitor with a cat picture in it. I asked him about his cats and sure enough, I got way more information than I ever wanted to know. Then he picked up his frame and pulled out ALL the pictures that are behind the one picture that is showing. He changed the picture to his other cat. After that, I won about four games in a row. So Heather has had to come to work with no make up, do the robot in the cafeteria for 30 seconds, ask Rick his opinion on something (which is almost as bad as asking Bill about his cats), and flirt with Todd (a creepy Novell guy who is a perv). I have had to come to work with my hair in three pony tails, bring cookies to work and eat something off Bill's chair. That one was completely gross because there's a stain on his chair. Robby told me he would not kiss me anymore after I ate something off Bill's chair. Yesterday we played and the consequence was the person who lost has to sell lemonade to three people in the breakroom. We tied that game, so we put that consequence back in the cup to be drawn again...yikes! It is hard coming up with consequences for the loser, but it's hilarious.

I adore Heather. She is young enough to be my daughter and I feel kind of like her mother. We have a hilarious relationship. We met when I was working at Evans' Construction. It was funny when I first met her. I could tell that she is the type who doesn't open up right away. You have to earn her trust. She also thought I was a Molly. A lot of people think that of me. She soon got to know me and found out that I can be VERY irreverent. I left Evans because I couldn't handle it there. I hated that job. So did she. When I found Novacoast, I told her about it and she got hired too. So I have known her for about 1 1/2 years. She is my best friend out here. We have so many inside jokes. But I worry about her. She is a wild thing. She is married in the temple, yet she doesn't wear her garments. She has an occasional drink and I am afraid that she is having an affair. She has become pretty secretive. The mother in me recognizes that behavior. Yesterday she wore a very low cut shirt that showed a lot of cleavage. When I first saw her, I let my eyes bug out and said, "Wow!" Then I grabbed a post it note and put it in her cleavage. She laughed really hard. Later I wrote on an index card "Do not look here" and we put it in her shirt. My boss, who is a complete perv, said "Now I DEFINITELY won't look there!" He spent a lot of time talking to her in her office yesterday...

All week Emeli has been at girls' camp. She was so nervous all last weekend. She was convinced she would be homesick and want to come home. I kept telling her that she would have so much fun she would forget that she had a mother. I dropped her off on Monday morning and all day Monday I worried about her. Our home teacher went up on Tuesday to stay for the day. I called him on Wednesday to see if I needed to get a note to Emeli. Sometimes they collect letters from the moms and give them to the girls the last night at camp. I thought how terrible it would be if Emeli was the only girl there without a note. He told me she had seen him and told him to tell me that she was doing well. That reassured me. I could breath easier. I had been really worried that she would feel left out or lonely or homesick. She comes home today at 11am and I'm looking forward to spending some time with her. She has been at her dad's for two weeks and then went to girls' camp, so I haven't really seen a lot of her for the last three weeks. I miss her.

Buttons

On Friday we surprised Emeli with a hamster.

We went to a wedding of a co-worker of Roberto's. His name is Tony. He grew up in So Cal around Compton and had a pretty rough childhood. He spent a lot of time in youth detention centers and then served a four year prison term as an adult. He had married Kim, but when he went to prison, Kim divorced him. After his prison term, they got back together and were living together. They moved to Utah and met the missionaries. Now they are wanting to get married, because they can't be living together if they want to get baptized. So they got married and will get baptized on the 13th. Roberto gives him a ride to work sometimes.

After the wedding, we drove up to Orem to "run an errand" but didn't tell Emeli what it was. When we pulled into the Petsmart parking lot, she was delighted. She knew she was either going to get new fish or a hamster. We had kind of toyed with the idea of a hamster, but had told her they stink so we didn't really want one.

That afternoon, Roberto had bought the aquarium, shavings, food, dish, water bottle, etc. He didn't tell her, though. He kept all that in the car.

We got to Petsmart and looked around. Then we asked Emeli to pick out a hamster. They were all so darn cute. She chose one, they boxed it up for her and we were leaving and she asked us about a cage. Roberto just kind of brushed that off and said, "We'll go look for one tomorrow. Tonight he can just sleep in a big glass jar or something." Emeli believed that.

When we got home, Roberto asked her to help him unload some stuff out of the back of the car. She was surprised to see all the stuff. She turned around and gave Roberto a huge hug.

We got the hamster all set up and in his little habitat. Emeli decided to name him Buttons because that is the name of the little girl's hamster on "Making Fiends". Buttons is really cute.

Yesterday Roberto was lying on the bed and holding the hamster and letting it run all over his chest. Buttons pooped on him five different times, so Roberto decided it was time to put the hamster away...hahaha!!!

Buttons likes Emeli. He will let her reach in and stroke his back and stays there for it. When I reach in, he always runs...hm. So Emeli is delighted that Buttons likes her better.

She is so cute with her hamster and tells me all the time how much she loves him.

Scary dinner...

So I had the scariest thing last night at dinner. I was laughing and talking with Emeli about my co-worker, Bill. He had been farting all day in the office. They were the silent and deadly ones that would waft over to our corners of the office and we constantly had to spray room freshener all over the place. So I was relating that to Emeli and laughing. I took a deep breath and sucked in a piece of hamburger into my airway.

I stood up to catch my breath and sucked it even more into my airway. I was gasping and unable to get a breath and couldn't breathe through my nose, either. As I was literally wheezing and trying to get air past the piece of hamburger, Emeli started to freak out.

Her worst nightmare is that something will happen to me and I will die. So she ran through the house screaming Brett's name and crying at the same time. She ran upstairs and was running around on the landing upstairs screaming and crying. Meanwhile, Brett was down in the dungeon playing a video game, completely unaware. The dungeon is sound proof with cement walls so he heard nothing of what was going on.

I stood there trying to get air and knew that if I didn't do something quick, I was going to die. It was the most frightening thought. I still have a lot to do and I did not want to die right there in my kitchen with a piece of hamburger wedged in my airway.

I wrapped my hands into a fist and threw myself against my fist and the back of my chair. The hamburger piece went sailing out of my mouth and I could breathe. I stood there gasping air into my lungs and then went looking for Emeli. She was up on the landing just crying and screaming. She saw me at the bottom of the stairs and started crying in relief. I called her down to talk.

She was shaking and hysterical still. I held her and told her that it was okay. I was able to help myself. I said I'm a big girl and knew what to do. I explained the Heimlich maneuver and how I did it. I told her that from now on, she needs to stay and help rather than run screaming through the house. I showed her how to do the Heimlich.

Then I told her that it is obviously not my time to go yet. Heavenly Father spared me because I still have stuff I need to do, so she doesn't need to worry that I'm going to die anytime soon. If it were my time, Heavenly Father could have taken me right there, so she can stop worrying.

I sat back down to eat, but Emeli wouldn't let me eat. She told me to eat carefully and not talk while I was eating.

This morning she wrote me a note telling me to call her if anything happens to me and to always chew first and then I can talk. Funny girl. I reminded her that I have been around her for 11 years and nothing like that has ever happened and that I'm a big girl and I'll be okay. She worries so much.

So now I have a sore throat from wheezing and my stomach hurts right under my rib cage from where I hurled myself against the chair back. Emeli has a sore throat too. We figure it's from the screaming. A good reminder to always be careful when eating.

I looked up Heimlich after my experience and found out that lots of people die from that kind of thing because they panic and pass out and don't have the presence of mind or the time to give themselves the Heimlich. I am grateful that I was granted the presence of mind to stay calm and do what needed to be done to save myself.

May 25, 2009 Tuesday

It's been forever since I have blogged. I have avoided blogging for the last little while because my job has really been hard. For a while, I was ready to walk. I was coming home in tears and miserable. But things are better now. I didn't want to vomit all my feelings in the blog. That would be boring. So suffice it to say that my job is better right now. It's always cyclic with my boss. He's a jerk for a while, then he feels sorry, then he's nice and it cycles like that. It's an abusive circle. But it pays the bills and there is nothing better out there right now.

We went to the Provo temple on Friday to do Dad's work. That was nice. I didn't really feel him there, but that's okay. Ryan did his work and he felt the Spirit and felt like it was a good thing, so I'm satisfied with that. It felt good to be back in the temple again. I reflected a lot on how I have been in the last two years and I'm not too happy with myself. So I have decided to clean up my language. Roberto would never tell me stop swearing, even though he is not a swearing person himself. He only swears when he is truly angry. I used to be that way, but I have started to swear a lot more than that. I told Roberto I was going to stop swearing and he just nodded. I told him I appreciate that he never told me to stop swearing but he let ME decide for myself. He said that's the way it should be. I should only change if I want to change. I love that about him.

Of course, the morning before I had to go to the temple, there was drama. There always is. I had given my key to Brett a couple of weeks ago and then Freddy found it and used it, so it was not on my key ring. Freddy went grocery shopping with me that morning and didn't bring his key, either. So when we got back from WalMart, we were locked out. Of course, when Roberto left, he had the house locked down and there was NO way for us to get in. So we drove to Emeli's school, found her on the playground and got the key from her. I flew upstairs, changed and met Barbi, Ryan and Mom at our lunch place and was able to just inhale my lunch before we left. But I was telling Freddy that it's not really a good temple day if you don't have drama like that beforehand.

We bought Emeli two goldfish on Wednesday. She was thrilled. She named one Bones because Taylor told her to and the other one looked like a tiger, so we named it Tigger. The next morning, Bones was dead. This freaked her out, but we got over it and went back to WalMart to tell them about the fish. We had our receipt, but they wanted the dead fish, too. okay. whatever. We got a replacement fish. It was really cute. Emeli was very worried that it would die as well. She was going to Idaho with her dad and wanted us to all take care of them. Unfortunately, the fish both died on Friday night when she was gone to Idaho. It wouldn't be so bad except that she has lost a lot of pets in the last two years. One summer we had two litters of kittens and each night at about 10pm, one of the kittens would die. There were 8 kittens. Talk about drama. Every single night we lost a kitten. So she's really gun shy about losing pets. So we are going to go to PetSmart instead of WalMart. We think the fish are sick and diseased there at WalMart.

As we were driving home from WalMart, the song "The Flame" by Cheap Trick came on the radio. Roberto started singing it to me. In the song he says,

"Wherever you go, I'll be with you.
Whatever you want
I'll give it to you
Whenever you need someone
To lay your heart and head upon
Remember after the fire After all the rain
I will be the flame"

As Roberto was singing that to me, he was holding my hand and catching my eye while he was driving. It was very tender. Emeli sat in the back seat watching us. I looked back and caught her eye and we shared a smile. She knows how happy I am and I know she likes seeing it. I'm hoping that little things like that will help her know what SHE wants when she gets married.

So this weekend we went to Malad, ID for Memorial Day weekend and that was really nice. It was very relaxing to just sit around, talk and I got a ton of needlework done. I also learned how to make really good curry. So I'm making it on Friday night. YUM. We went by Rachelle's on the way back down to Springville. That was nice. Rachelle and I went shopping for shoes and of course, that was way fun. There is nothing like getting out and shopping for shoes.

Emeli was a little emotional when she got home last night and saw her little empty bowl. There was something murky floating around in the water, so we are thinking the water was gross and the fish were diseased. So we are going somewhere else for new fish for her this week.

I know I have left out a bunch of stuff, but I will keep more abreast of things from now on.

May 4, 2009 Monday

This weekend was really nice, even though we had some drama that we could have done without. Reader’s Digest version: Emeli watched “The Matrix” on Saturday morning and lied to me about it. The boys had let her watch it Friday night thinking it would be okay because she has seen it before. Freddy lied to me about it, too. So we made them both come up with three consequences and we would pick the one that would happen to them. We still haven’t talked with Freddy about what his consequence should be. Emeli’s is that she is grounded from friends all week.

I really love how Roberto supports me with the kids. He isn’t just an observer. He helps me discipline them and I really appreciate it. When he talks to them, he doesn’t yell and if I start to raise my voice, he will quietly touch me and kind of rub my back or my arm, reminding me to be softer.

We are really tight this week. I told the boys that we are so tight, Roberto didn’t know where we would get money for food. That was more for their benefit so they would understand I can’t take them out for pizza or crap like that. Unfortunately, Emeli overheard me. Emeli came up to our room yesterday and said, “Mom, is it time for me to tell Dad that we are going to starve this week and that he needs to pay more child support?” I told her no. I told her that Roberto had figured out how to buy some food and we are going to be able to buy food. I also told her that it is not her job to worry like that. Roberto worries about that kind of thing and he always has a solution. If it got that bad, he would ask the bishop for help. I told her that he would never let her go hungry. He would go without food before he would let her go hungry. I told her he has done that before, too. Then I told her that he has gold and if it ever became so bad here, he would sell some gold to keep us safe. I hope she felt better after that. I told her to stop worrying and be a kid. Roberto worries enough for all of us combined to the point that he can’t sleep, so things will always be taken care of. I told her he loves her like she was his own daughter and he will always take care of her.

Later, she went to hug Freddy and he was kind of impatient and told her, “Emeli, why do you always need to hug?” She just kind of wilted and walked away. I was there and walked up to her and held her. I told her that she is very huggy and that sometimes people are busy and they aren’t thinking about that kind of thing. It’s good to have her around so she can remind us to slow down and hug more often. I told her to give Freddy another chance. Freddy felt terrible. He knew he had hurt her feelings. I also told her that Roberto is just like that. I said, “Have you ever noticed that he never turns you away or gets impatient when you hug him? It’s because he likes hugs too.” I told her how he is always saying to me, “Can I get a hug?” I told her that it’s good to have people like that in our lives who remind us to slow down and hug. I don’t want her to stop. She went up to Roberto, who was on the computer in our room. She told him what I had said about him and he agreed. He said he likes to hug and always likes getting her hugs.

I baked banana bread, wheat bread and cookies. I told Emeli that if she is worried that we are going hungry for her to look in the freezer and see all the bread and cookies I have baked. I told her to look in the cupboards and see all the cans of food. I told her we have meat in the freezer and we have food for the week. I know she probably went downstairs right after we spoke and looked in the fridge, freezer and cupboards. She is such a worrier and it really bothers me. She worries way too much for someone her age. I wish I could shield her from that.

I just got a text from Fred. He is speaking on Mother's Day and wants the kids to hear him speak. He wants to bring the kids by my house after that on Sunday. I told him no. I'm sure we are going to have drama from that. I don't care if he is speaking. It's Mother's Day. I spoke on Easter Sunday and they weren't there for that because they were at his house, so he'll be okay. But I expect drama from that...grrr.

Saturday

I have not written for a while. Partly because life has been a little hard and I haven't wanted to write about it.

Freddy arrived two weeks ago and that has been mixed. I love having him around, but he is adding an element of drama I could do without. Last weekend Emeli found out that he has been smoking weed. That was not good. It really upset her. She was convinced that Freddy could die. Freddy wanted me to convince her that smoking weed is okay and that he will be fine. I told him he put me in a very awkward position. I have never believed in illegal drugs. I have taught my children to be smarter than that. No matter how safe Freddy believes weed is, it's still a drug. Drugs are unpredictable. You can't ever say that a drug is safe, even prescription drugs. That was a whole lot of drama we didn't need.

Thank goodness for Roberto. He has a very strong belief system. He is my strength. When he speaks to the kids about things, he uses a calm, soft voice. He doesn't judge. He just states facts. He doesn't use guilt to teach, unlike their dad. They appreciate that and so do I.

Then, after a dramatic Sunday evening, I had a terrible work week. My boss is abusive and a bully. On Monday, he sat me in his office and told me that if I do another mistake on PO orders, I will be written up. I understand that. We created some procedural check lists so that I could make sure the PO's are more accurate. The problem is that most of my mistakes are because he sends me faulty PO's, but I can't bring that up because he denies that. Oh well. So I accepted that I could get written up. I was quiet after that because I was very upset with myself. On Wednesday, I was talking with the two guys who make campaign calls. From his office, my boss was literally yelling at me. At one time, as I was asking one of the guys a question, Rick yelled, "Judi, are you listening to me?!" and then he berated me in front of everyone in the office. I just stood there. I walked into their cubicle with my back to my boss while he was yelling. I stared straight ahead and had a very stoney look on my face. One of the guys saw my expression and I could tell he felt sorry for me. I just took his abuse. He came to my desk about half an hour later and tapped me on the shoulder and half heartedly apologized for treating me the way he had. He said he did that mostly because he needed to let the guys know how angry he was with them. He said, "You understand, don't you?" I didn't answer back. I wanted to say, "Don't touch me." Later that day, he found a PO that one of our sales guys had failed to ask to be processed. He proceeded to blame me for that, too. So he yelled at me again. By now, I was only speaking to him when I had to and answering him with yes or no. He knew I was pissed. He went and spoke to Heather in her office very quietly. She told me later that she had told him that she doesn't know why I take his abuse, but she wouldn't. He called me later, on his way home, and told me he wanted to talk to me the next day about his behavior and how he knew he was an ass. I told him that would be fine.

I came home from work upset and crying. I called Roberto at his work and literally just bawled into the phone. He knew about how the beginning of the week had been kind of building up to this. He told me he was ready to go in there and take my boss down a peg or two. He told me he would be home soon and he would help me feel better. I was very nervous about the next day. I knew Rick would try and justify his behavior.

Roberto told me that if I ever feel that abused again, I have his permission to walk. He said I can call him and he will come pick me up and help me pack my desk and then he will have a talk with Rick. So now, armed with that, I can tell my boss to go to hell and I will. As it turns out, on Thursday, he never had that talk with me. He was out of the office most of the day. Roberto kept calling me to see if we had spoken yet. When I told him my boss had left the office and wasn't coming back in, he called him a huge chicken. I completely blew him off whenever he tried to talk to me or joke with me. I would just give him my deadpan look and he knew he was on my hit list. By Friday, he still hadn't spoken with me, but he was being very nice to me. We had a staff meeting and he made a point of saying, "If Judi left, I would not be able to do PO's." I wanted to say, "Yeah, so watch your step, jerk." Both Thursday and Friday morning, Roberto came into my office to visit me, just to let Rick know that he is there for me and knows. On Thursday, he came into my cubicle and hugged me and loudly said, "You okay?"

Roberto held me on Wednesday night and told me that I should never fear my boss. He said no money is worth the abuse I have put up with and he won't allow it. He said, "I don't talk to you that way and he certainly won't." He told me the next time Rick is like that, I can walk right off the job. So I will. Plus, I will file a complaint.

As soon as Roberto is making good money selling at his work, I will quit and teach piano for extra income. Plus, I am also going to try and find a part time job that doesn't take me away from home so much. That will be nice. Until then, I can stay there. Hopefully my boss can behave and I don't have to walk away.

Monday, April 6, 2009

This weekend was very nice. On Friday night, Emeli had Isabella spend the night. I went downstairs to find them out on the balcony playing Trouble with the sliding glass door wide open (at least the screen was shut) and my ipod playing on my little stereo blaring out onto the balcony. It was probably 38 degrees outside!!! Of course, I started scolding. "I am NOT going to heat the whole world...blah, blah, blah..." The two of them sheepishly came back inside and played on the front room floor. I walked away just shaking my head.

I had left work at 1:30 and was so excited because I was going to go grocery shopping and get a few things, including strawberries to make jam. I came home, made wheat bread, which turned out super delicious. It even got complete approval from Brett, which is quite an accomplishment. Then I made freezer jam and then I made dinner. Dinner was a chicken and rice dinner. Roberto got home from work at 6ish and we ate. Everyone was very happy with the jam. It's absolutely delicious. I got enough strawberries to make more jam when this batch runs out. Everyone was very happy about that. In fact, I have a feeling the jam is not going to last very long!!

Saturday Roberto and I had a birthday lunch for Matthew Howden. He is turning 50 years old. That was quite a bit of drama. There is a lot of history with him and his wife and it's very sad. He had an affair off and on for a year. He kept going back and forth between the other woman and his wife. She is a much better woman than I am because after the second time of leaving me, I would have said, "You're out!" You can see how it has hurt his children. He was being very difficult and demanding during the party. He treated his family terribly. It really bothered Roberto. We spoke with his wife quietly about it. She is still hurting. My heart just bled for her and Roberto watches how he treats his family and he wants to kick Matthew's butt. We had stopped in SLC to see Rachelle at their hotel. They had tickets for conference and Jason and Stein had gone to the Saturday morning session. We played with the little ones in the hotel room. D'Jayden was so cute. Rachelle opened the door and he saw me and then he saw Roberto and he yelled, "Opa!" It was sweet. He gave Roberto a tour of all the cool things in the hotel room: the safe, the tub, the beds and how he could jump from one bed to the other. I proceeded to toss him onto the bed over and over again. He was cute.

By the time we had eaten lunch, visited with all the Howdens and stopped to see Rachelle again in Layton AND gone to Smith and Edwards, an army and navy outlet, we got home pretty late. We had bought caramel apples for the kids so they weren't too upset about us being so long. The whole time we were at Smith and Edwards, I kept thinking about Freddy. He would love that place. It has all this military crap, clothes, etc. Right up his alley.

Sunday we spent listening to conference on TV. I baked rolls, cookies and made a Sunday dinner. I always miss the older boys when I do a Sunday dinner. I miss having everyone around the table, talking and laughing. I love cooking for my family and wish we all lived closer so I could do that for them. They could get at least one home cooked meal a week. I really miss them.

Roberto stresses about this job a lot. It's not like anything he has done. He hates sitting at a desk all day long. He hates not knowing exactly what his paycheck will be. I don't blame him on either of those two issues. By Sunday night, he was starting to get stressed about it. He literally lies in bed, unable to sleep because he has so much going through his mind. I am always telling him to leave all those thoughts on the floor right next to his backpack. He can pick them up in the morning and deal with them then. That's very hard for him to do.

Over the weekend, Fred's wife, Cozette, had her baby. I can tell the kids are mixed about it and I'm sure I will get reports from them all the time on how different she is than I was. Emeli was very quiet about it all when she got back from seeing the baby on Sunday night. I can tell she is struggling with the whole fear that Elizabeth will replace her. She's worried that her dad will not love her anymore. I need to stress to her how a parent's heart always has room to love each new child without losing the love they have for the existing ones. I did not understand that until I had children of my own and I felt my heart expand each time I had a new little one. I looked into her eyes and saw how she was guarding herself and how she felt pain, but wasn't quite ready to talk about it yet. My heart breaks each time I see Emeli go through another emotional struggle. She has been through so much. She is a strong little thing, but I can see how it just tears her up inside.

On Saturday Emeli and Brett were roller blading and Reuben (who is going to feel my shoe up his butt soon) was calling her fat. That makes me so mad when she tells me kids are calling her fat. She is not fat! She used to be chubby, but she has lost a lot of weight and looks great. But she doesn't see it and it doesn't help when some stupid boy calls her fat. Reuben called her fat and she called Reuben an asshole. Of course, Brett quickly reported that to me when they got back in the house. I told her she is not allowed to say that word and the next time she says it, she will meet me at the sink and I will wash her mouth out. I'm tempted to take Reuben (who is fat!!) over my knee and beat the crap out of him. It's boys like that that create anorexic girls! The next time I see that kid, I'm going to walk up to him and give him a piece of my mind. He will not be calling Emeli names after that. So I'm on the warpath...haha!

April 1

It has been a long time since I've written!

On Friday we went to Logan to visit Rachelle and family. It was Zoe's birthday and she is a complete doll! She is walking and is so dang cute. We had a lot of fun. Brett and Emeli love visiting there and get irritated if we go without them. Emeli loves the kids and is really good with them. D'Jayden loves her. It's so cute. Brett thinks that Rachelle is hilarious. We got home from there at about 11pm. We dropped the kids off at their dad's. We had the weekend together and it was nice.

I always enjoy the weekend with Roberto when we are without the kids. On Saturday we ran errands and just hung around. It's just nice to be with him. We joke around and talk about things. It's really nice. He makes me laugh all the time.

On Saturday night, Emeli called to say she wanted to come home. I guess her dad and Cozette wanted her to clean up some stuff she felt wasn't her job to do. That happens a lot. They go there for the weekend and end up working and cleaning up messes that have been there for a while. It really bothers them a lot. So Cozette had a tantrum and Emeli told her dad how scared she was of Cozette's behavior. Her dad said, "Don't you remember your mom acting like that?" Emeli said no. Cozette throws things, swears, kicks things and gets very aggressive. Then he said, "Don't you remember your mom treating ME that way?" Emeli said no. I don't think I was that way at all. I would yell in frustration, but I would never throw things at the kids or swear at them or call them names. There were times I would tell them to go to their rooms but that was so I wouldn't do something violent. It was a way for me to cool off. But I have never sworn at my children or thrown something at them in anger. I told Emeli to give it some time and if she was still feeling that same way after church on Sunday, she could come home. She ended up staying all of Sunday.

The CEO of my company came by yesterday and took us out for lunch AND dinner. That was nice. For lunch we went to Ruby River and for dinner we went to PF Chang's. I was glad to go to PF Chang's because I will probably never get Roberto to take me there...haha! He is NOT a Chinese or Mexican fan.

The kids are with us this weekend. I will probably have Brett do my hair because he actually does a good job AND he doesn't mind it.

Saturday March 21

On Monday afternoon, Roberto's boss called him up and left a message on his voice mail letting him know that he was being laid off. Wow. What a way to tell someone. Roberto was kind of expecting it, but it still hurt. The thing that hurt the most was that they kept on five part timers who had been there less time than Roberto. That hurt. However, we have since thought it is probably a blessing in disguise. He was working a job with crappy hours. He worked every single weekend at nights and most Sundays, so he was unable to go to church. Now he can go to church again. Plus, he was not sure he wanted to work in the unit he was working in, anyways. There was a lot of political crap going on and he was not enjoying work as much. So Roberto applied for unemployment and found out he will be making more on unemployment than he was making working. What is up with that?! No wonder people stay on unemployment forever. So he is looking for jobs and is super frustrated. He hates being inactive and unemployed. It's driving him crazy. Every day I can sense him getting more and more frustrated. I don't blame him. When I was looking for a job, I felt the same. We are grateful that he has unemployment, though, because he can take his time looking for a job and not grab the first thing he can find. He will be a little picky and wait for something that has good hours (with weekends off, hopefully), good pay and benefits. We don't have insurance right now and that's kind of scary.

My job is secure. I am blessed about that. We are going to be super busy in June, July and August. We just fired someone last week. That was not very good. She was lying about her hours on her time sheets. This pay period, she stole 10 hours. She was saying she came into the office at 7am, yet when my boss got the report on when her card key went through the locked doors, it said she arrived at 8am. Wow. I don't get how people can do that. The other amazing thing is that she posted on her facebook status..."I already have an awesome interview lined up. Thank goodness for paying tithing." Yeah, whatever. Roberto told me about that and said, "Does she pay tithing on her stolen hours as well?" Whatever. I'm just amazed. So we hired a new girl, Tiffine, who started on Thursday. She is from Michigan and is not a member of the church and has been completely baffled by the whole Mormon culture. So my boss explained everything to her in a very anti-Mormon way. It really offended me, but I kept my mouth shut. I wasn't going to correct him because he would just be a complete jerk to me. Later, she said "He's so mean to you." I said, "Yes, he is. All day. Every day. But I give it back to him." She said, "If this was a playground, I would say it's because he likes you." I laughed and said, "Yeah, he is just like a fifth grader at times." Jerk.

We have the kids this weekend. That is always nice. Emeli spent the night at Alandra's house. Then they went to an Achievement Day activity. She came back with a bag of goodies, including two Hostess cupcakes. My favorite. I let Roberto have a bite of the one Emeli gave me. He didn't like it. I just said, "More for me..." We washed and vacuumed the car as a family today. It needed it so badly!! Then we took Emeli to Dairy Queen for a treat. Her grades were amazing. I am so proud of her, so we took her to DQ. What a zoo. There were only three people running the whole place. The drive thru was busy and the inside was, too. We waited for ten minutes for our food and then they got mine and Roberto's orders wrong. But I wasn't about to complain and have it take another ten minutes. As we were leaving, a guy said to me, "So you finally got your food after a ten minute wait?" I laughed and said, "Yeah, but I was supposed to get a dipped cone" and I held up my sundae. We both laughed.

Last night Roberto and I went on a fun date. We went to Burger King for dinner and then drove up the Provo Canyon and ended up at Bridal Veil Falls Park. Roberto had brought along the game Trouble. So we walked the trail until we found a nice place to lay the blanket and we played Trouble. He beat me twice and then I finally beat him. We walked along the trail enjoying the gorgeous weather. It was so nice. Then we went to a gas station to go to the bathroom. While I was in the bathroom, Roberto bought Rolo's. He ate all of them but two. Rude. We went to Target to get some ibuprofen and bought some yummy chocolate. Roberto has a terrible sweet tooth...haha!!

Next week we go up to Logan for Zoe's birthday party. The kids will be with us for that and then we drop them off at Fred's afterwards. Then we have the whole weekend together. That will be nice. I always love weekends with Roberto.

Last weekend was really nice. We slept in, which I really enjoy because I get up so early every day. We drove out to Saratoga Springs and looked around. It's really pretty out there. I had told Roberto I was going to surprise him with a date in Salt Lake City. He had to wear church clothes. I had told Rachelle about it and she had told Roberto and he said, "So Rachelle knows where we are going and I don't?" But I know he secretly liked that. We drove to Temple Square, after changing our clothes at the local Artic Circle (gross food!). I was taking him to a free concert. It was really good. It only lasted an hour, which was short and sweet. We enjoyed that a lot. Saturday was such a nice day together. We had a really good time. It really brought us closer.

Monday March 9, 2009

Yesterday was not a good day.  Roberto was supposed to work a double shift from 7am until 9pm at night.  We were excited because that meant more hours.  Emeli wouldn't go to church with me because she didn't feel like it.  So I went alone.  I was sitting there listening to the speaker, missing Roberto, thinking about how long it has been since I have sat with him during church.  He always has to work on Sundays. I looked up to see him standing there in the doorway, looking for me.  I waved a little wave to him.  He saw me and came to sit next to me.  They had sent him home at 10:00.  So he sat next to me until sacrament meeting was over.  It was so nice to sit next to him, but at the same time I knew we would be less that amount of money.  He was in his work clothes and as he walked in, a lady stared him up and down as if she was thinking that he was not dressed appropriately.  Whatever. We went home after sacrament meeting.  When we got home, Roberto told Emeli that until she is sixteen, she will go to church with us.  She is not allowed to miss church just because she doesn't feel like it.  She agreed.  I went back for Relief Society and Emeli came with me and went to Primary.

After Relief Society, the Bishop saw me.  He pulled me in his office and asked me how we are doing.  I told him that Roberto has been limited to one shift a week now and that we really need some help with food.  He was very hesitant and told me that he would really like to see us be self sufficient.  We have received food from him two other times.  This time we were really desperate because we were down to our last gallon of milk and needed other things as well.  He told me he would like to have a meeting with us to discuss this.  He would talk to the Relief Society president.  I walked out feeling completely humiliated.  If it were just Roberto and I, I would go hungry, but I can't stand by and let my children go hungry.  So I begged and it was degrading.

The day went by with no word from the Relief Society president.  Roberto was able to go to his one shift he is supposed to work from 2pm until 9pm.  All afternoon he kept calling to see if the Relief Society president had called me.  I told him she hadn't.  I kept wondering if maybe the Bishop just didn't talk to her.  Finally, at 8:45, Roberto called me and said I needed to call the Relief Society president to see if she had spoken with the bishop.  I was embarrassed to do that, but I also knew we needed milk and the kids needed food.  Like I said before, if it were just me, I would go hungry rather than call.  I called her and she said, "Yes, the bishop has spoken to me and I completely forgot!"  I wanted to yell at her.  This was not a tiny thing to me.  We need the food and for her to forget was inexcusable, in my opinion.  She came over at 9:00 and I got the food order from her.  It's a good thing she came and left before Roberto arrived home from work because he probably would have said something to her.

This Relief Society president has said a couple of things to me that make me very hesitant to ask for too much.  The first time she came by, she kind of hinted that I was asking for too much meat.  The second time she said, "Now, remember, this is only supposed to last for two weeks."  To me, that is very humiliating. This time she asked if my husband was looking for another job.  I wanted to say, "No, he is playing Nintendo all day." I hate asking for food as it is and to be told in hinting that I am asking for too much or to be treated like an idiot is just plain embarrassing.  In comparison, when I was in Seattle, the Relief Society president used to call me every two weeks to the day and she would press food on me.  She knew I had four children to feed and that I was really struggling.  My bishop gave me a voucher for $300 worth of clothes for the kids, he paid my utility bills.  I am not asking for that kind of help.  I just needed a few things and we would be okay.  

That afternoon, I was telling Brett and Emeli about how we had to get a food order and how I felt like I had to beg for it.  Brett just sat there quietly.  Then he said, "You know, the next time Dad takes us out for an expensive dinner, I am not going to eat.  I will tell him to put the money I would have spent on dinner towards child support."  Emeli agreed with him.  I just sat there amazed.  Then he told me how Fred and Cozette went out for dinner the other night.  Brett asked them why they didn't take them along and Cozette said, "Surely your mom takes you there, right?"  He was so angry at that.  He wanted to answer, "No, she can't afford it because Dad doesn't pay enough child support."   But he kept quiet.  He told me it bothered him a lot.

Last night Roberto told me that he goes to bed hungry at nights sometimes because he doesn't want to eat  food that the kids could eat.  When he told me that, I just started crying.  So many emotions were going through my head.  I am amazed that he sacrifices for my children to that extent, that he works his butt off trying to support us and that he takes his role as patriarch so seriously. I feel so blessed to have a husband who is that caring and would go hungry so that the kids can eat.  That just amazes me.  Even now, I am crying as I think about it.

I was kind of emotional at work today.  I am still a little amazed at Roberto's sacrifice and how I had to beg for food.  I know the gospel is true, I just struggle with the people at times.

Saturday March 7

Monday is Freddy's birthday. He will be twenty years old and I can't believe I have two children in their twenties. How did that happen?! I don't feel much older than 20, myself!

I went out to lunch with Michelle Lunt. We met at Olive Garden in American Fork. It was so nice to catch up with her. There are some friends you have that it doesn't matter how long it has been since you have seen them. The moment you see them again, it's like you never were apart and you take up right where you left off. Michelle is one of those friends. So is Karen Carpenter. Emeli wanted to come with me, but I told her that it was a girl's lunch. Emeli held up her arms and said, "Hello...I'm a girl." I said, "Oh, okay, this is a woman's lunch..."

I have so many memories of Michelle Lunt. I have known Michelle for 25 years. We met at Rick's College in my freshman, her sophomore year. We were married within a year of each other and our first two boys are the same age. We used to get together all the time when they were young. Michelle is the best friend I have ever had. We had so many good times together. I could fill an entire blog talking about the things we did together and all the things we have shared. I will always be grateful for Michelle's friendship.

So on Tuesday night, Roberto showed up for work. He had managed to find some hours at work on other units. He was there for an hour when he got a call from one of the directors. They told him they didn't need him. He was very frustrated and discouraged by that. He was supposed to work Thursday night and Friday morning. On Thursday, he found out they didn't need him for those shifts, either. Now he is looking for another job in earnest. Friday night he got a call from them and was asked if he could come in on Saturday from 7am until 9pm. We were excited because that's more hours than he was planning. So he works on Sunday as well. So he has three shifts this week and only needs to find two more, if he can. He is very discouraged by that. But then I reminded him that when I was looking for a job between working at Evans Construction and Novacoast, I was not working for two weeks. We were without a paycheck. At least we have some money coming in.

Last night Mom, Barbi and Ryan went to the temple to do more temple work for Dad and other ancestors. As Ryan was receiving the priesthood for Dad, he looked up at the man doing the ordination and noticed that his name was also Richard Arnold. Richard Arnold told Ryan he often sees things like this happen in the temple. We were comforted by this, knowing that Dad has probably accepted the gospel. This is very exciting to all of us.

March 4 Wednesday

On Monday night, during FHE, Roberto got a call from work. They told him they would be cutting his hours back from 40 to 8. That hit him hard. He took it bravely, but I could tell as FHE progressed, he was getting more and more quiet. On Friday night, they had laid off about five full time employees, so Roberto was expecting something. But this took him by surprise because it was so quick after the lay offs. After FHE, we went upstairs and Roberto got on the computer and started looking for jobs immediately. I helped him write a Cover Letter and he started sending out his resume and cover letters to anyone he could.

He found a couple of call centers he could work at until he either found a better job or he could get more shifts at Slate Canyon (where he works now). That is one thing I admire about Roberto. He is very serious about providing for his family. He would do anything, no matter how menial, to bring in money to support us. There are a couple of leads he is following. One of them is being a bank vault security officer. That would require him to carry a gun...yikes. The other one is doing pest control. That would pay well, plus there is commission and benefits. We are hoping he can get something with benefits.

It is a hard time to be out of work because the jobs are pretty scarce and companies are either cutting back or laying off. It's scary out there.

Yesterday he went to a few interviews. He also went into work last night and picked up more shifts in other units at Slate Canyon. That is a relief. But they could cut one of his shifts at any time if they don't have enough kids there. They cut his shift for tonight. That means I need to do more overtime. Thank goodness my boss owes me for some commission he didn't pay me last month. So he is giving me free hours of overtime to make up for it.

Now Roberto is sick and I feel like I will probably get it by the weekend...grrr. The kids will be with Fred, so I will probably just lay around the house and do nothing all weekend. I hate weekends like that. I like to get things done. But everyone around me is sick and I'm sure my number is up. I've been lucky so far. I haven't been really sick for a while.

I tell Roberto that the Lord hasn't let us down yet, so we will be okay with the cutting of his hours. But it's still worrisome. I am grateful to be married to someone who wants to work and doesn't look at this like an opportunity to sit around the house and do nothing. He is online all day long looking for work. He is out doing interviews. I am grateful for that.

Temple Work

Yesterday Barbi, Ryan, Barbi's kids and Mom went to the Timpanogas Temple to do baptisms for the dead. One of the people they were doing work for was Dad. He has been dead for 2 1/2 years and it is overdue for him to get his work done.

While Barbi was there, she felt Dad's presence three times. The first time was when she was walking down the stairs towards the baptistry. She felt like she walked right through him. She had an overwhelming feeling of his presence. She hadn't even thought about the possibility of feeling him there when she was walking downstairs. So it took her by surprise. The next time she felt him was when she was watching the baptisms. She felt like he sat down next to her with his arm behind her. She felt like he was telling her, "Be nice to your mother. Be nicer to her." When Barbi told me that, I knew that was my dad talking. He always demanded respect for my mother. If he ever caught us back talking her, we would be in so much trouble. One time we were walking though a house with a real estate agent. My mom had said something and I flippantly corrected her in front of the agent. I was walking behind her, feeling pretty smart. My dad hung back, stepped behind me and smacked me hard on the butt and quietly said, "Don't ever correct your mother like that again in front of someone." That put me in my place! The last time Barbi felt Dad, she was standing and watching something and he came up beside her and said,"What took you so long?" He was joking with her because we used to always tell him that the second he died, we would have his name in the temple waiting for the day we could baptize him. I am so glad he was there. Barbi felt like he was happy and I feel pretty sure he accepted the gospel.

I was telling Barbi that every once in a while I can feel him near me. I especially feel him around me on the weekends when the kids are with their dad and Roberto is at work. It's like he knows I'm a little lonely and I'm least distracted and will feel his presence more then. It's not a scary feeling. It's just a quiet assurance that he's there and aware of me. There are times I really miss him. I just wish I could call him up on the phone and hear his voice and hear his laughter. I loved his laugh and I loved it when he would laugh at something I said.

I am grateful I had a loving father like that. He had his faults. But he was a good man and a good father to me.

I have noticed that Roberto and his daughter, Rachelle, seem to have the same kind of relationship I had with Dad. She calls him a lot to talk about things. They are very close. She teases him mercilessly and it's hilarious. The two of them can banter like Dad and I would. I love watching them because it reminds me of Dad and I. I'm glad Roberto has that kind of relationship with Rachelle.

Wednesday

I don't have a lot to say, I guess. But I also feel like I need to let everyone know how we're doing.

Brett is cleaning his room right now. This morning we woke to him and Emeli bickering right outside our bedroom door. Brett had misplaced his key and he gets home from school before Emeli, so he wanted to borrow her key. Emeli is particularly careful with her key because it took her almost a year to get one. She had to prove she was responsible before Roberto would trust her with a key to the house. We live in the kind of neighborhood where we don't really trust our neighbors. So Emeli was very reluctant to let Brett have her key. After much banging and yelling, I finally got involved. I went out into the hallway and told Emeli she would let Brett use the key. She was ready to go head to head with me on it. I simply said in a very low growl, "Let him use the key or you are SO grounded." Emeli is very social with the girls in our neighborhood, so she knew grounding meant not playing outside after school. She let him use her key. Not only that, she recognized the low growl. About two or three nights a week, Brett cooks dinner. It's awesome. On the nights that Roberto doesn't cook dinner, Brett does. I will leave something out with instructions and Brett will do it. Tonight he made rolls. He makes awesome rolls with this recipe I have. We sit around the dinner sighing over how yummy they are.

Emeli is slimming down. Every day I look at her and see her develping hips and a shape. She is getting taller. We went to the Draper temple open house yesterday and she was wearing heels. Suddenly she looked like a young woman. I just kept staring at her while we were walking through the temple. I used to worry about her weight. I worried that she would get very heavy as a teenager and have issues from that. But she is becoming very pretty and mature looking. I'm mixed on my feelings about that. I love to see her blossoming, but I hate to see her grow up. My children are all growing up and going away! I don't like that.

I long for the days when they were little and all about me. I loved driving with them, running errands and talking and laughing and listening to music in the car. I loved dinner time with us all sitting around the table. I loved making dinner and hearing Taylor's music from the front room when the computer was in the front room. I loved hearing Taylor playing the guitar, hearing Freddy sifting through legos in his room, seeing the kids running in and out of the front and back yard. I loved hearing them on the trampoline in the summer. I miss those days of holding them and snuggling them when we watched movies. I remember Freddy saying, "Hold you me, Mom!" as he held his arms in the air. I remember Taylor sleeping in our bed, holding my hand as he fell asleep. I loved taking naps with Brett when I was pregnant with Emeli. I loved holding Emeli every night as I fed her her bottle and gently put her down in her crib. I miss those times. I just wish I had appreciated them more. I was always in such a rush and always trying to get things done so I didn't really sit and enjoy the moment.

Now my life is totally different. I work all day. I come home and I have missed the afternoon with the kids. I don't get to greet them when they come home. But I also know they are okay. If I had to rush home, I have the kind of boss who would let me go at a moment's notice for my kids. That's a good thing. I am very blessed in that respect. And, I am a six minute drive away.

Tonight I was leaving work and Heather said, "Come in and sit down in Rick's office and talk with us." I said,"No, I have kids home alone tonight so I need get home." Rick nodded because he understood but he also said, "No, that's the time you go shopping at the mall!" I don't like to stay at work any longer than I need to. I have a wonderful family to get home to. I like to be home with them. I miss them. I enjoy the joking and the fun of getting dinner ready. I especially love it when Roberto cooks. He is a good cook and he is very possessive of the kitchen when he cooks. He won't let me help him. I am only allowed to make a vegetable or set the table. He's so funny. Brett will stand by and talk with us. I know he likes to be with us. He really enjoys Roberto's sense of humor, too. The two of them will tease me the whole time. I love those moments. We are very happy here.

In contrast...

Last weekend was wonderful and this one has been pretty crappy. I expected it, so I'm not too surprised. I started my period on Thursday night. By Friday morning, I was miserable, but I had to go to work. I don't have any sick time and I need the hours. I endured most of the day. I just moved very slowly. We had a work lunch at Costa Vida, which was good, but I was not really able to enjoy my meal. Heather sat next to me and said, "You need to finish everything on your plate..." We came back to the office and I was feeling much worse. Finally, after doubling over in pain in the bathroom, I knew it was time for me to think about going home. I would leave at 4:00 instead of 5:00. Just an hour early and I could make up the time next week. My boss can be really cool and then he can be a jerk. This time he was really cool. I went in his office and told him I don't feel well, plus I don't have much to do. He told me to go home and pretend I stayed until 4:00. So I did. Good thing because the second I got home, it hit like a vengeance!!!

Poor Emeli could hear me groaning and came up the stairs to check on me. I was on the bed just crying in pain. That scared the heck out of her and I felt bad for doing that to her, but I couldn't help it. She is so worried that something will happen to Roberto or I and she will be left alone. I know it's from the divorce. In her child's mind, she knows that things are not forever and could change and get bad anytime. That's also something that makes me feel really guilty. The divorce was really hard on her. It just kind of pulled the carpet out from under her. She lay next to me on the bed quietly crying for me. She quietly asked me if I was going to die. I told her I felt like I was going to die, but no, I was not going to die. I would recover from this, but in the meantime, I felt really crappy. I told her not to worry about me. I was just in a lot of pain, but would be better soon. She still stayed by me for about half an hour just making sure I didn't split in half or something. Poor thing.

Mom brought me some Xanex (muscle relaxers) and some health food pills she got. They are these little tiny white circle pills that look like candy. You take eight at a time and let them dissolve on your tongue. Amazingly enough, they work. They don't make it all go away, but they sure do help. You take eight pills and then fifteen minutes later, you take eight more. I'm going to invest in those little guys for next month, too. Something tells me it is not going to get any better.

Roberto kept calling me. One time he called me and I was in tears. I haven't been in that kind of pain for a long time and it worried him. He told me he wished there was something he could do. But there really isn't anything. At 4am, I woke up in pain again and took some of the little white candy pills. Once again, I was surprised that they worked. I took two doses of them and I was able to go back to sleep by 5am. Of course, I woke Roberto up, though. He just rolled over and held me until I fell back to sleep. That's about all he can do for me. I feel guilty, though, because I toss and turn a lot when I am like that. Needless to say, he didn't sleep well last night, either.

Today I finally feel a little human. I'm not all the way better, but I was able to go grocery shopping and make some dinner. But now I am in bed again because I'm feeling a little worse. So I am taking it easy. If I feel like this tomorrow, I am NOT going to church. I will just lie in bed and curl up in a ball.

I'm grateful that this thing only lasts for about two days, though. If it were much longer, I would probably toss myself off our balcony. I am grateful for my children who are especially helpful at this time. They run and fetch for me when I am lying in bed. Unfortunately, Roberto has to work all the time, so he can't be here. But I'm sure he would prefer that to waiting on me hand and foot or listening to me moan...just a guess. :)

Valentine's Weekend...

This weekend was so nice. I always enjoy a weekend alone with Roberto. I miss the kids, but it's a great time for us to have some quality time alone. We usually grow closer from it and I enjoy that.

Shari gave me an itunes gift card for $25. So Roberto has been helping me find some great songs to run on my trampoline to. He's so cute. He suggests all these old 70's rocker classics that he grew up listening to. As it's playing, he will say, "It's probably not fast enough, huh?" It was fast enough for him to risk his life driving like a madman with the song blaring from his radio, but not fast enough to run to. We found some techno and I downloaded some of that, added it to my exercise playlist and now I run to a few more fun songs. I think he was getting tired of what was on my playlist...haha!!

On Friday night, he got off work at 9pm instead of 10. Mom and I went to the movies and I got out of the movie in time to get a smoothie with Mom and then pick Roberto up from work. A friend of his from work was fixing brakes on my PT Cruiser. They sounded awful!!! We raced home from his friend's house and this time I won. I usually never win. Roberto took a longer way home than I did. It's so funny how he competes in EVERYTHING!!!

Saturday we just hung around the house and did nothing. We slept in, which was nice because lately I have been getting to work early to make up hours for my birthday. So to sleep in felt SO good!!! I made lemon poppyseed muffins and took some up to Roberto for breakfast. I had told him that all I wanted for Valentine's day was a hand written love note. He sends me love notes on email, but one in his writing would mean a lot to me. We are really tight and I knew he couldn't spend money on a big dinner or flowers, so a hand written love note was what I wanted. For him, I had made hearts and had hidden them throughout his things so he would find them all week long. That was fun. He had to work from 3-10. When he got home, he put a piece of paper on the bed. I thought that was the love note, but it was a quiz he had given to the kids at work. He had told them stuff about South Africa and then quizzed them. It was hand written. He told me the answers to the questions I didn't know. I sat thinking that maybe he had forgotten about the note. Then he turned to his backpack and pulled out another piece of paper...BRAT!!! He looked at me with a mischievous grin and it was the love note. He told me later that he had purposely given me the South Africa quiz knowing I would think it was the love note and I would be wondering if he forgot. He had teased me that he would just write me a post-it note telling me he loved me. His love note was very sweet. Earlier in the day, he had given me a ring. A few months ago, he had bought a bunch of jewelry hoping to sell it online, but he keeps giving it to me instead. I told him I am running out of fingers. It was a very pretty topaz ring that sparkles brightly. I love it.

On Sunday he had to work as well, so after he left, I baked rolls and au gratin potatoes for a dinner at Barbi's. That was nice. Her kids love my rolls and potatoes. So when I bring them, they always say, "Are these YOUR rolls or potatoes?" when I say yes, they get all excited. Funny. Grandma was her usual wenchy self. I was leaving and making a point of saying good-bye to her because she always complains to Mom later if I don't say good-bye. She turned to me and asked me if I managed to get any dinner. I told her yes, I was able to eat. She said, "Good. Because you sure did enough talking! I thought you might not have been able to eat." I turned to see Ryan grinning like an idiot...grrrr!! I said, "Yes, Grandma, I managed to eat." Ryan yelled out, "She just talked with her mouth full." BRAT!!!

Roberto called me kind of upset while he was at work. One of his ex's daughters emailed him. It was his second wife's daughter. She wanted to apologize for her behavior towards him. She and her mother aren't speaking and she has realized how terrible she and her siblings were towards him. Roberto has been trying to put that whole incident behind him and to have this girl email him again, just kind of opened everything again. It really shook him up. I came by on my way to Barbi's to give him some of my rolls, which he loves and to give him a hug. He held tightly to me. When he got home last night, he was still kind of shaky. I fed him some macaroni and held him tightly. He's doing better now.

Today I tackled the basement. It has been a pit since we moved in. I just dumped everything where I could, hoping for the energy to organize it later. Today was the day. It looks like a whole different place. It took me 2 1/2 hours, but it's done. Now I know where everything is. I used to just go down there and dig through boxes to find stuff, but now I know where it all is and just have to go through drawers and organize those. That should be a lot easier work. Whew! What a job that was!!!

Tomorrow starts another week of work with possible drama. Rick is firing at least two people in our office. It's going to be bad, I can feel it. I'm not looking forward to that at all. I'm just glad it's not me. According to him, I do a great job and am secure. Whew!!!

Drama...

Wow...so it started on Monday. Emeli was in P.E. and she was backing up to catch the ball and backed up against the brick wall and smacked her head. She was very upset that her teacher had only said, "Watch for the wall..." in kind of a bored tone. So when she smacked her head, she was surprised and it really hurt. Then she was mad because no one took the time to feel sorry for her. When she got home, she was in a foul mood. She proceeded to try and take everyone with her. By the time I got home from work, she was fully in a snit. After dinner, I held her in my arms and let her cry about it for a little bit.

Emeli has been fighting a miserable cold with a lingering, hacking cough that doesn't really do anything except sound annoying. It doesn't actually come up, it just sits and tickles. Then, occasionally, she will feel crappy and headachy. So on Tuesday, she had Roberto come pick her up from school. Midway through the afternoon, it occurred to her that she would not be able to play with her friend, Alandra, and she must have been feeling better, so she asked Roberto to take her back to school. Nope. Roberto didn't buy that and told her to rest. She started to cry. Roberto didn't buy that, either. When Brett came home, Emeli was in another snit. She was watching TV. Brett thought that he would like to play the piano, so he asked Roberto if that was okay. Sometimes Roberto will sleep in the afternoons because of his weird work schedule. Roberto gave the okay, so Brett went downstairs and just turned the TV off. Of course that brought about a huge argument. Emeli called me at work. After hearing her sob in my ear, I asked her to get Brett on the phone. His opinion is that practicing a musical instrument is far more important than Emeli watching TV. I started to debate that and then Brett gave me a huge attitude. I ended up getting very attitudinal with him as well. Emeli called me back later to inform me that when Brett hung up the phone, he called her a bitch. Meanwhile, I am at work, trying to get things done. I hate being disturbed at work for trivial things. It's not professional. I look like an idiot. It reminds me of working with McKala, who used to have personal calls from her children several times a day over stupid things that could have been resolved without her.

On my home from work, I told Roberto all this drama. He was oblivious to it all. He asked me why the kids didn't involve him. He was kind of hurt that they would exclude him and go straight to me. I told him it was probably because they didn't want it resolved. They just wanted to vent and knew I couldn't do anything except say, "Now, you stop that!" If they involved Roberto, he would ground them both. They didn't want that. He agreed.

So after dinner, which Brett made ( I secretly think he was trying to make up for his stupidity in calling his sister a name), we had a nice discussion about the afternoon. It was resolved that from now on, Roberto would be the one to take care of things if he is home. They are not to call me at work unless someone is bleeding or the house is one fire. He told them that if he opens the door and comes down to deal with it, there will be crap. We all laughed. Right about now, my co-worker would do an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation of Roberto, which is hilarious. I also told them that the next person who calls the other sibling a name gets his/her mouth washed out with soap. Emeli has called Brett a fag and Brett has called Emeli a bitch. If anyone does any more name calling, they will meet me at the sink. I'm done with it.

Then Emeli tried to complain about name calling at her dad's house. I interrupted her to say that I do not have jurisdiction at her dad's home and I will not even go there. Emeli kind of slumped in her chair. I get the idea that there is not a lot of consistent discipline in that home.

Today I went to the doctor for a very painful bladder infection. This is the fourth one in two years. I have not had this many ever. I usually get one every few years. The doctor told me that there are two groups of women that get that many UTI's. Twenty-something girls who are newly sexually active and women my age whose hormones levels are lowering. I think I would prefer to be in the first group of women. I have been struggling with this UTI for almost two weeks. It has been very bad. He came in and told me that I am either very tough or very foolish. I told him I am both. He laughed. He said that I had very high levels of puss and bacteria in my urine. How nice. All I know is that it was hurting like a mother to pee and I had to pee often and had a moment's notice. It's really bad at work when the bathroom is far away. I would find myself almost running the last few feet to the bathroom. But you can't run because then you shake up your bladder and you wet your pants, so you have to do a very careful walk to the bathroom. There were a couple of close calls, let me tell you!!! But now I am on meds and should be better in no time. The doctor even gave me refills so I don't have to go to the doctor the next time I get one, because there will be a next time!!! And the meds only cost $4 at WalMart. Yeah!!!

Birthday...

I haven't blogged for a while, so I guess there is quite a bit to catch up on.

On Thursday, I turned 45 years old. Not too happy about that age. But I am happier and healthier than I have been in years. So I can be grateful for that.

We went to the Draper Temple open house and met Rachelle and her family there. That temple is huge and gorgeous. The kids were so good and so quiet. I was really impressed. Afterwards, we went to IKEA and looked around. We had lunch in their cafeteria. The day before, Rachelle and I had been joking on facebook that for my birthday, she would give me one of her meatballs from her lunch. So while we were eating, she took one of the meatballs off her plate that had a toothpick in it with the little tassles on it and gave it to me. We laughed about that. Roberto just kind of chuckles and shakes his head. I am wanting to get back into painting furniture, but this time selling it on etsy.com, so we were looking at possible painting projects for me. After IKEA, we met back up at our house in Springville. They beat us there and had time to chat with the kids before we arrived. Rachelle was laughing about how I want to paint everything. The kids laughingly told her that she should have seen our old house with the red, gold, and chalk board walls. I love color.

That morning, Roberto surprised me with an amethyst ring. It was very pretty. I love amethysts. He knows that, so he goes on his jewelry site and buys me amethysts. He likes tanzanites, so he also buys me those. I have never had more jewelry in my life. I am truly spoiled.

Over the weekend, I got a ton done. On Sunday, while Brett and Emeli played Monopoly, I cut out hearts. I also created a little Valentine wall upstairs. During the week, we are supposed to write things we love about each other on hearts and put them under each other's names. It's been cute to see what we write. I also cut out a bunch of hearts and wrote things I love about Roberto on them. Then I hid them all around. All week long, he will find these hearts stashed in different places and know what I love about him. Last night he found one and was so cute. He was looking for more of them. He looked like a little boy looking for Easter eggs. There are still about 5 more for him to find. I might hide some more, too, just so it lasts all week. He's so dang cute.

I have had a bladder infection and it's painful. Last night when I was running, it was all I could do to stay on the trampoline. We don't have insurance, nor do we have any money for me to go to the doctor, so I am enduring this until we have the funds. Friday morning I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself and Roberto held me. I bought cranberry juice and have been drinking that like crazy, but it's not going away. I am going to need antibiotics.

I sent out valentines to the boys. It's this time of year that I miss them. I used to make a huge dinner for the family and give everyone a valentine. I will miss that this year because the kids will be with their dad and Roberto has to work Saturday night AND Sunday night. But we both have Monday off, so maybe I can postpone our dinner until Monday night.